Yin and Yang
by Charlett
Summary: RED and BLU have been fighting each other for years. They have always been opposing forces that vie for control, much like the similar polarity of two magnets. When the polarity of one force shifts, life must take a dramatic turn to compensate.
1. Chapter 1

Omfg you gaiiiiiise, I don't even know why I'm doing this. Honestly.

Anyway, there's a little surprise for you down the way. Hope you enjoy it.

I kinda wanted to have it star the BLUs because the last story I had was about REDs. So now that you know how the REDs act, you can learn about the nuances of the BLUs.

I don't honestly know if this is going to go well, so please, read it critically and tell me your honest feelings on this subject. Thank you, and now:

READ ON!

---

BLU's Scout had learned a lot about killing as he lived on the war front. It was really simple. You aim a gun and fire. Repeatedly. Aiming for a vital area was good too but with enough bullets anywhere the person's going to go down. Killing things and not getting damaged was the art form that he was still learning. On days in which he was injured, he would watch with utter fascination as his party members slaughtered their foes. BLU's Spy's butterfly knife flew gracefully and with expert precision, BLU's Pyro had mastered the art of "fight and flight", and BLU's Sniper was still teaching him the basics of using one's cover for protection. He was so excited about putting his new lessons to practice that the moment BLU's Medic removed his leg cast and kicked him from the infirmary with a "And don't come back!", Scout tore down to the front lines just in time to see the last RED explode in an array of blood and guts. BLU's Demoman taunted and jeered at the pieces of his last enemy, and then turned to Scout with a question in his eyes, "What are ya doin' 'ere, Lad?"

"I'm ready! Where's the fighting? Come on come on we need to go fight!" Scout shouted, bounding around and shouting over for their Engineer, "Hey! We need a dispenser here! Chop chop!"

"You maggot!" BLU's Soldier shouted, pointing up at the base, "We just slaughtered them!"

As if on cue, BLU's Spy trotted out, attaché case in tow, "Come on, let's get out of here, I'm famished."

"Okay! I can't wait for Sandvich!" BLU's Heavy proclaimed, running back towards the base as Scout looked up at their base. Even BLU's Sniper was relaxed, fanning himself with his akubra as he walked into the base for dinner.

Scout's jaw dropped as everyone wandered off to the base. "But… but I wanted to help…! I-I-I-I-I!"

"Maybe next time, Kid," Soldier mumbled as he shoved on the young man's back to get him moving, "Come on, you need some food to keep your strength up."

"No fair…" Scout muttered with a near-pout as he shuffled back to base with arms crossed, "It's just not fair…"

---

The next morning was colder than yesterday, and Demoman yawned widely as he wandered out onto Sniper's deck and offered him his decaf. Sniper mumbled a thanks of some sort and stared across at the other fort. "They've gotten replacements."

"Already?" Demoman asked. There was silence, and he whistled. "Gotta hand it ta 'em, aye?"

"Mmm," Sniper agreed through his coffee, "Different, though."

"Different? 'Ow so?" Sniper tossed Demoman the binoculars and the Scotsman peered through them. Sniper took a rather long gulp of his coffee and he flinched as Demoman dropped the binoculars.

"Oi, Mate! Those don't come cheaply!" Sniper rebuked his teammate in a rare case of emotion. However, Demoman was already rushing off, shouting for the others. Eventually, a few more joined Sniper on his deck (which made him frown at how they were invading space that was practically his).

"Look! What did I yell ya!?" Demoman cried, pointing across the way, "It's TRUE."

"Mein Gott…" Medic murmured, lowering Sniper's binoculars after a rather long look, "It can't be."

"Let me see! Let me see!" Scout shouted, "I want to see!"

"What's everyone so worked up about?" Sniper asked with a shrug.

"Do you SEE what's over there?" BLU's Engineer retorted as Scout snatched the binoculars from Medic and looked through them, "The entire RED team is…!"

"…They're WOMEN!" Scout screamed, throwing the binoculars up in horror. Sniper tossed his mug aside and barely caught his mother's gift in time.

"Vomen on zee BATTLEFIELD?" Medic gasped. The men watched as nine various women scurried about the RED base like little mice. They were putting up various pretty ornaments all over their base and setting up tea tables for crumpets at noon, "Zis… Zis cannot be happenink…"

"And mighty nice little sheilas, if I ever saw some," Sniper murmured as he rubbed his binoculars off and checked to see if they hadn't been chipped or broken.

"Oh man oh man oh man this has got to be a joke!" Scout fidgeted nervously. He thought for a moment and slammed his fist in his palm. "I know! It's like… they MUST be spies!"

"You zay zey are zpiez."

"Yeah! Zpiez!" Scout coughed. "I mean spies! They must be spies, disguised as women!"

"Why would the Demolitions Experts hire nine Spies and have 'em dress up as women?" Engineer asked with arms crossed in contemplation, "It seems a little TOO superfluous a plan just to throw us off."

"But they cannae be actual WOMEN," Demoman stated matter-of-factly, "Women cannae fight a man's fight!"

"You think?" Scout asked, staring at the women across the way. One of them (who looked like a voluptuous RED Soldier) spotted the men and she waved at them with a sparkling smile. Scout cringed in fear. "They… it's like they're going to tear into our souls and eat them one by one…"

"What is commotion!?" The BLUs looked up to see that the others, Heavy and Spy, had joined them. "Medic, where is leftover Sandvich?" the Russian asked.

"Oh, that was yours?" Scout asked. He laughed aloud, "I had it for breakfast today! Sorry, dude!"

BLU's Spy pursed his lips as BLU's Heavy turned red. "Just what is going on?" the European asked, "There 'as been way too much shouting and my head is already- what is that?" The European shoved Medic out of the way (and the German professed his anger) and stared across the way, "My my my…" Spy murmured, his breathing increasing as he spoke so smoke spewed from his mouth when he plotted this new turn of events, "I'll need new masks, Mmmm, new masks…" Scout blinked at Spy, wondering if he was happy about sneaking into an entirely female compound or happy that he could get away with wearing a woman's clothes.

As the men argued, Sniper stood to find himself some food. He grumbled lightly when the others noticed he was leaving and moved to follow him, "So what are we gunna do with 'em?" Engineer asked as they met in the locker room.

Demoman moved to speak but Soldier did first, "We kill them, what else?"

"Kill them!?" Scout shouted, "Bubububutbut Mom told me never to hit a woman!"

"Where's your mom NOW, Nancy!?" Soldier roared, thrusting his finger onto the young man's chest, "Is she here to tell us not to tell YOU to hit a woman? Get your act in gear, Maggot; this is a WAR, and if I tell you to kill something, you KILL IT."

"We don't need to bludgeon the sheilas, do we?" Sniper spoke up. All eyes were on him, "At least, not all of them. They seem pretty friendly. We should use it to our advantage."

"What I wouldn't give fer a lassie at night. They make such nice comforters…" Demoman muttered under his breath. The men stared at him, wearing various faces that ranged from amiable to wondering just what he was talking about.

"Mmph?" BLU's Pyro asked, raising his/her finger, "Mmph, phphmmphmmph."

"Pyro's right," Engineer agreed, his arms crossed, "We haven't fraternized with the enemy before," he glared at anyone as if _daring_ them to fidget nervously about his words, "and we shouldn't be doing it now."

"But I'm cold at night!" Heavy roared, "Let's just knock girls out and drag them back to base!"

"Heavy, pleaze, Vee are not barbarians!" Medic cried, aghast, "Vee do not take vomen by force!"

There was a longer than necessary silence, and Spy's lips curled into a dangerous smile, "Or DO we…?" Medic rubbed his temples as many of the men roared their approval and shook the European's hands.

Scout tried to speak up. "Well, I say that we should just…"

"I say…!" Soldier proclaimed, interrupting anyone from speaking, "…that anyone who DOESN'T want to fraternize with these beautifully built ladies has no interest in women at all!"

Sniper leaned against the wall with a disdainful frown. "Weren't you the one who wanted to kill 'em before…?"

Engineer frowned at the talk as Medic coughed into his hand with an incredulous look on his face, and the Texan spoke up, "Besides, just because I don't wanna sow my seed into any ol' field don't mean I don't wanna do it someday. Ya just gotta find the right…"

"They're THERE. They've BREASTS. What's STOPPIN' you?" Demoman shouted.

"DAMN straight!" Soldier said, ignoring logic from getting in the way of making nice with some ladies for the first time in three years, "BLU Team, let's move out!"

"Zis cannot be happenink…" Medic groaned as he shuffled after the other men. Scout inched along by his side, for once not the one leading the charge.

"You think one of them'll like me?" he asked shyly. Medic sighed. With the way things were, he was beginning to wonder if RED really WAS using these women to their advantage.

Something didn't seem right, and Medic was going to find out what it was.

---

ALRIGHT. REAM IT.

Tell me what sucks. Tell me whether or not it's even good enough to continue.

What do you think about it?


	2. Chapter 2

HEY GUYS. I'm going to be uploading shorter chapters now. I have stuff backlogged but I don't want to put it up now because you know, work and all. I'd rather be able to have a steady stream instead of jerky updates.

So I apologize for the shortness of this chapter, but that's the reason. So anyway:

READ ON!

---

"Oh, come on!" Many of the men shouted in unison. Just across the bridge was a pink sentry that protected the nine women, who were enjoying teatime just outside of their base. Soldier didn't like it one bit, and he announced so, "You can't set up outside your base!"

RED's Medic, a young doctor whose small stature belied a woman with much experience under her nonexistent belt, frowned lightly at the shouting just a little ways away, "Zose men have no clazz, I zee…"

"Come on now, give us one good reason why we can't enjoy some tea without you men ruining everything?" RED's Sniper, the cool, calculated leader of the group, called to the men across the bridge.

Demoman frowned, and spoke up, "It's called 'No Man's Land' fer a reason! Ye cannae just take it fer yerself!"

"Exactly!" RED's Engineer, the ever polite woman whose only joy in life was tinkering and improving on others' work, said with a smile. She continued to speak even though she wasn't even looking at the men, "And since it's called 'No Man's Land', dunnit that mean it belongs ta thah women?"

There was a high pitched, delighted squeal, "Good one, Engie!" RED's Scout, the tiniest and highest pitched of the nine, giggled aloud.

The BLUs glared out at the RED compound. Women never understood that unless they had a fence, it wasn't their property. The BLUs decided to teach them a thing or two about why forts existed… "So what's the plan?" Soldier asked as they peeked out at the girls who were sipping tea and eating crumpets.

"We can charge 'em, lads!" Demoman explained, "That sentry cannae stand up to my bombs! Medic, you stand back! Ain't want those lasses hurt by ya!"

"Vere is Spy?" Medic asked in passing, completely ignoring Demoman's remarks.

"Alright, Maggots! Let's go!" Medic sighed as his teammates rushed the compound. The sentry lit up and an adorable "Beepbeepbeep!" sounded.

RED's Engineer looked up quickly from her tea (no alcoholic poison for her, thank you very much!) and blinked at her sentry, "Oh my. Summon thinks they kin git past mah sentreh~!"

The women all looked up from their teatime and stared as their Engineer's sentry, which was attempting to keep the men at bay. Engineer frowned a bit at her sentry, and hoped it would remain okay. She was interrupted from her thoughts, however, when she heard a laugh from one of her teammates: "Wahahahaha!" RED's Demo(wo)man, the incredibly lucky and lovable storyteller of the women, proclaimed, "Those BLU men donnae know how ta git in an enemy base e'en 'f we were all 'n a drunk'n stupor!"

"Like you are now?" RED's Medic asked between her crumpets.

"Ain't it the truth?" RED's Engineer replied, feeling a little better about the safety of her work, "Look at 'em, runnin' around like some sorta rats, I wouldn't be surprised if- SENTRY DOWN!" she suddenly leapt up and screeched magnificently; BLU's Demoman had finally blown her sentry up with his pipe bombs, and Engineer rushed to salvage the pieces and sob into them, "My bayyyyybayyyy!! They murdered her…!"

"Men are so vulgar!" RED's heavy set Heavy Weapons Girl growled. She stood up just as Demo(wo)man stood and shot sticky bombs in a magnificent arc over her Engineer. The BLUs escaped as she began filling the entire bridge with the bombs. The female Heavy roared her disapproval and lifted her fists, "Blowing up things our Engineer spent so much time to build! No stickies are needed; I have half a mind to show them art of PUNCH."

"Like that'd solve anythin'…" RED's Sniper muttered, leaning back in her chair and feigning a nap, "Men don't learn nothin' through force, they'd probably think we were just comin' on to 'em…"

"Then what do you think we should do?" RED's Scout asked as she tried to help their Engineer stop sobbing, "they'll be coming over any moment now."

"Don't worry aboot it," Demo(wo)man said with a smirk, "Spy's not 'ere, ya see?"

"Ohhh, I hope she saves a few for uz…" Medic murmured behind a sly smile, "Zome of zem look zo cute, I could jast eat… zem… up…"

The women were about to stand and prepare to protect their base when there was a screech. RED's Soldier, the voluptuous and muscular powerhouse of the women, sat straight up in her chair and swung her shovel about like a fiend, "BLAST. Filthy rotten SPIES."

"Zpiez in zee compound?" Medic asked, slightly surprised.

"The little bastard grabbed me!" Soldier shouted, swinging wildly at nothing, "Come on out and fight like a woman, you prissy MAN."

RED's Scout then gave a wail and leapt up, flailing around in despair, "Ohhh! Someone touched my butt!"

Heavy frowned angrily, "Oh no you don't!" She swung her fist in a magnificent arc and there was a flicker to her right. Something turned blue for an instant, and then disappeared. The women watched as a small trail of blood led into their base, "Girly man is escaping into base!"

"Demowoman, can you handle the bridge?" Sniper asked, taking the leadership roll, "Don't let 'em by. Everyone else, ya'll go after the spy. We still need to do our job, of course. Pyro, you get into the sewers and don't let ANYONE through."

"Mmph!" The overtly large RED Pyro replied (Her outfit was so bulky; none of the group could tell whether she was male or female). S/he saluted and was off with the others into the base. And so, Demo(wo)man stood at the bridge and taunted them with a laugh. "'Ey boyos!" Demo(wo)man called, "Ya just stay ovah there like good lads fer me!"

"What makes you think we won't just shoot you?" Scout called across the way.

Demo(wo)man winked at the young man with a smile, "Because I 'aven't been shot before; what makes me think it'll 'appen anytime soon?"

The BLU Soldier glared at her as she waved. He growled at the fact that it was true; no one really wanted to kill her… Soldier then turned to Demoman, "You think we can shoot the bombs apart?"

"She'll just re-lay 'em…" Demoman replied, "tha problem is that she kin kill us witout guilt, but we want 'er alive… Fer now, it's a waitin' game…"

"You think we should try and get across?" Scout asked, hoping so much to be able to at least touch a woman for once.

"Rather not take the chance…" Soldier grumbled in thought, "You might be able to get across, but you also have a good chance at getting struck by her pipebombs."

"Can you jump moat?" Heavy pled, "Cute girls are so close!"

"Without Medic? He can't come with me," Soldier said, "And I ain't attempting a mission over there without backup. Demoman, you wanna come with me?"

"For HER? Hah, I'll take my chances and wait," Demoman said.

"I'll go up and see what I can do to scout out then," Sniper offered, turning on his heel and trotting back into the BLU compound. Scout rolled his eyes; the Australian sure knew how to take his sweet time.

And then the young man snapped his fingers in realization, "Yo, I bet I could get across to their base on the roof! We can go fight together, Soldier!"

"Hah, you sure you can handle yourself in there?" Soldier asked. He shouldered his rocket launcher, "Just get yourself over there and I'll back you up, alright?"

"Gotcha, boss!" And Scout was off. The young man rushed past Medic, who was adjusting his boots and straightening his suit, and the Bostonian waved, "Yo Doc! Did you get a good look at those ladies? They're like the kind you see on TV!"

"I vould entirely doubt zat," Medic replied, "Zat implies zat zey zpend hourz preparing zemselvez each day, and zat is impossible, vee are zitting in zee middle of zee desert and are shooting at each ozer repeatedly; zere is no time for…"

"Aww man, you don't have to spend an hour talking about nothing! You should go take a look yourself sometime! Anyway, gotta run!"

"You don't HAVE to run, you know, you can jast…" But Scout was already off, leaving the German behind to sigh lightly and make sure his buttons were aligned. They were, so that made one thing good through the entire horrible day.

He then blinked when he heard someone's cloak drop. BLU's Spy stumbled into the room from the sewers, gasping for air and bleeding from multiple wounds, the most notable one being his nose. Medic leapt up and barely caught his teammate as Spy tripped over himself and fell forward. "V…vat happened?" the doctor asked in light horror.

"Th-the women…" Spy sputtered, coughing up flecks of blood, "Th-they're…"

Medic shook the European. "Spy…? Zpy!?" The German checked his patient's vitals: still alive, just unconscious. He opted to take the man to the medical ward and try to contact the others. This spy had information and he needed to stay alive!

With the way he looked, however, Medic wasn't sure Spy would last...

To Be Continued

---

Jajan! There we go, review or punch a dog or summin I don't care.


	3. Chapter 3

This is still backlogged pretty decently if I keep the updates small like this, but RED Vs. BLU has nothing to give. I don't know what I'll end up doing. I apologize for any sadness that results from your lack of short stories.

There are other stories I might be able to upload though, so if you care more about my writing than where I upload, check my profile Sunday. Even though nothing may be updated here, I may have updated a fic in a location you might care about.

Sorry for the shameless advertising. Please:

READ ON!

---

Scout ran from Medic and jogged up to the second floor of the base, where Sniper was undoubtedly hanging out. He just needed to hop across and land on Demo(wo)man's head. An attack from above was the perfect plan!

Scout continued to run but slammed into something. He gasped when he found that he had run into a soft, invisible mass that flashed red and disappeared again. The Bostonian opened his mouth but something invisible grasped it quickly. A light struggle ensued; Scout didn't really want to hurt the woman, and RED's Spy didn't seem to want to kill Scout, so the battle really wasn't life or death, just a struggle for dominance. It was a battle that the female Spy eventually won.

Scout soon found himself pressed against the wall with one hand over his mouth and another one grasping his right wrist, twisting it painfully upward behind his back. "My, you keep all your muscles in your legs, and you're bound to get beaten when it comes to upper body struggles, petit-"

The woman gave a slight gasp when Scout whipped his leg around. The woman stumbled and found herself on her back. The Builder dropped on top of her, straddling her and restrained her wrists with his hands. "You were sayin', toots?"

Spy struggled a moment, and found that it was no use fighting him. She flopped to the floor and smirked at the young man. "So what are you going to do now? I'm sure a big, strong man like you can think of something to do to little, dainty me."

Scout stared at the woman like a deer into headlights. Dude, this was the first time he was hovering over a hot chick! He had her under his control, and damn, he could do anything he wanted with her! He immediately ran through about seventeen thousand fleeting thoughts on what to do with her in a second. None of them seemed really smart and/or something a freaking awesome superhero like him would do, so he spent the next few seconds staring at her prone form like an addlebrained buffoon.

"Well, if you aren't going to do anything, I guess I'll have to say something," Spy said. She twirled the cigarette to the side of her mouth and spat it on the floor so she could speak clearly without the stick sliding down her throat. "I'm not here to hurt you guys. I'm here under Lady Sniper's orders."

Scout blinked in surprise. "'Lady' Sniper? She your leader or summin?"

"You could say that," Spy replied lightly, taking the fact that she was being pinned down by a sweating, barely mature young man in stride fairly well, "You see, it's been so long since we've seen any men, much less fought them, and…"

"Hey!" Scout interrupted. Spy pursed her lips but let her captor continue, "Man, that's just like us. We're stuck here and fightin' a bunch of guys and then you girls come along! You've been fightin' girls all the time?"

"It's been that way for years, for you men as well, I suppose," Spy said, "To see you men, it's a dream come true. Whatever mix up brought us together, it certainly wasn't on purpose."

"So what should we do?"

"Lady Sniper proposed to meet with your leader and talk with him about a…"

"…a truce?"

Spy giggled softly, and it set Scout's face aflame. "You really are so smart, Mon Petit," she said.

The young man didn't know what she called him, but he liked it. He attempted to hide his face in his shoulder so she wouldn't see his beet red face. "Y-you can call me Scout… you know, if you want…"

Scout hardly realized that she was easing out of his grip. She reached up to take his head in her hands, and she shook his head side to side lightly, as if she were admonishing a child softly. "Mon Petit- There is no reason to be shy around me~"

"Sp-y…!" Scout cried. He didn't want to fight her advances (who would? She was so hot…), but what if… "What if they find you…?"

"Oh, Petit, you'll protect me, won't you?" Spy murmured in question, her voice drowned out by the fact that her lips were roaming his skin and neck, "You're so strong…"

Scout was looking at the ceiling now. Since when was he on his back, anyway? "Can't we get the treaty done first…? Then you'll be safe regardle…-ahahahahahaha! Spy kehhhkkkeeehehehehe that tickles! Stooop!"

Spy looked up from her kissing his neck. Scout was attempting to breathe from his laughter. Obviously he had never been (wo)manhandled so delicately before. "Hmmm? Oh yes, the treaty." She seemed to gain some sort of refinement as she lay on top of his chest, so she could think about their predicament. "Right then, we should get around to that, first and foremost."

Scout was squirming mercilessly under her as she placed her hands on his chest and looked up, "Listen, I can't stay here for long. Can you speak to your leader? Tell him that we can talk at twenty hours. Understand?"

"Oh gawwwwd…" was the only answer the young man could give.

"Petit? At twenty hours, understand?"

Scout squirmed under her. "Your knee…"

Spy looked down with feigned surprise, and she smirked at her knee, which was rubbing ever so delicately against his crotch. She smirked sinisterly and bent down to whisper into his ear, "And now you know what to look forward to, should you succeed."

Scout stared with wide eyes as she flashed red and disappeared completely. The weight of the woman was off of him, and he could feel the cool air on his tightening pants. He took a few moments to remember how to breathe, and he scrambled upwards. Oh god how he hated it when this happened. His mother always got so mad at him when it happened. What was he supposed to do? "Arrrrrg it freaking hurts!" he hissed as he grabbed his face and took several deep breaths. His mother always told him to be careful of women like that: women who promised "things" like "that" for supposedly simple favors. She said that they were only trouble in the end.

But why could he not stop thinking about her!? What did she say? Dammit, he was forgetting already!

"Twenty hours!" Scout proclaimed in delight. He prepared to rush off to find Demoman, but he was suddenly struck with a conundrum. "But wait; was it twenty hours military time or twenty hours from now? Dammit, now I can't remember!"

"Honestly, Mate, can you keep it down for five seconds?" Sniper's voice came from outside on the deck. Scout fumbled about in the room, attempting to find something to calm him down. Hey, maybe Sniper could relay the message in Scout's stead. The young man was still squirming where he stood when the Australian moved in from his deck. He stopped when he got a good look at the young man. Scout's eyes were wide with fear of ridicule, and he opened his mouth to speak…

…Sniper beat him to it, "Ya need a cold shower, Mate?"

Scout blinked. Was THAT how he got rid of that? Man, would have helped him out a lot of other times when he was younger. "…Sounds like a plan…! Sniper, could you tell Demoman something?" Sniper really hoped that it wasn't a size that Demoman needed to know. "The ladies' leader wants to meet him at twenty hours. C-can you tell him that?"

Sniper blinked at the sudden information, and he opened his mouth to ask where the kid had gotten that info, but he finally gave up and sighed. "Sure I can, Mate."

"And… you won't tell anyone about…"

Sniper interrupted with a shake of his head. "Not a soul."

Scout looked a little happy at the news, and he immediately rushed off, waddling quickly to the showers. The Australian shook his head as he left to talk with Demoman about what Scout had mentioned; honestly, children and their fantasies…

---

It took a little coaxing, but Sniper was able to get Demoman and Soldier back in the base instead of raging at the Demo(wo)man who was taunting them across the booby trapped bridge. There was no sign of Heavy around, but Sniper could care less; all he had to do was relay Scout's message to their leader.

"Twenty hours?" Demoman asked after everything had been said. Sniper shrugged and didn't reply, "Where'dya get this info?"

"Scout asked me to tell you. Honestly, I can't think of where he coulda gotten it."

"You think he met their Spy?" Soldier said, "I bet that slimy maggoty girl snuck in here to feed thoughts of dissention among the ranks!"

Demoman hiccupped softly. "What I wanna know is… is it twenty o' or twenty hours from now?"

"I zeriously doubt it vould be twenty hourz from now; zat vould be four in zee mornink." The three men looked up at Medic, who had finally reappeared since he disappeared in frustration not thirty minutes before. He smiled sinisterly at what he said next: "zee vomen need zeir beauty sleep, right? Zey vant to meet tonight, zen."

"Sounds aboot right, now then, we should…"

"Uff, Herr Demoman?" Medic said. The leader didn't like the fact that he was being interrupted, but he tended to understand that when Medic interrupted someone, it was for good reason.

Of course, he only understood so when he was slightly sober.

Medic sighed when he finally got the attention he needed, and prepared himself for what he needed to say, "Our Zpy's out of commission."

Demoman raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"He vent over zere vitout your consent and vhen he returned he fell into a coma. I vould be vary of zese vomen. Zey are not who zey appear to be…"

Demoman gave a laugh. "What, Medic? Yer afraid o' a few lettel girls?"

"I am vary of potentially vicked enemiez. Vee should not trust zem."

Sniper shrugged. "Well, if you're so fearful of our leader's well being…"

Soldier coughed into his hand with a smirk.

"…Then you should go with him during the treaty making."

"It's the front lines all ovah again, eh, Bitch?" Demoman said, laughing uproariously.

Medic seethed, but took a deep breath. "I zought I told you not to call me zat."

"You'll follow me anyhoo," Demoman replied, motioning for Medic to follow him. "Git ovah here, Bitch." The German twitched lightly, but he snapped his heels against one another and followed the Scotsman through the base so they could prepare for that evening.

Soldier smirked from under his helmet. "Got that medic wrapped around his finger. Wonder how long they've been goin' at it."

"They've been at each other's throats since day one," Sniper said. "You keep those jokes up, and yer likely ta have cyanide in yer drink like the last Soldier we had."

Soldier stared blankly at Sniper as the Australian sauntered back to his normal nest.

To Be Continued...

---

I dunno what to say here. Hope you enjoyed it.


	4. Chapter 4

Sorry this took so long to get up. I've been playing other games and not writing so much and there's homework andblahblahblahblah.

This chapter isn't really funny or action filled. It's just advancing the plot.

Hope you enjoy it anyway.

---

Night came rather slowly for some. Medic was dreading it and so everything was like some horrific slow motion movie. He worked on keeping Spy in some sort of stable condition as Demoman worked to get slightly sober. However, for certain other people, the evening couldn't come fast enough. Scout was zipping around, flailing in delight. This was going to be the coolest treaty EVER!

"When is it going to be eight?" Scout demanded as he rushed into the kitchen where Sniper was eating, "It's already seven thirty and I can't wait any longer!!" He stopped when he got a good look at the Australian, whose hair was surprisingly wet. The man hardly ever took showers; he was too busy sitting in his nest from dusk to dawn. "Woah, what's up with you? Getting ready to meet some girls for tonight?"

"Some of us 'ave better things ta worry 'bout, Mate." Was the simple reply.

"So what? You needed a cold shower too?"

Sniper tensed, and it looked like he shuddered lightly. "Nah, Mate, it was scaldin' hot. Nice treatment for the eyes."

Scout stared at Sniper for a long while, and the two settled into a very awkward silence.

Finally, the Australian pointed his fork at the young man. "Look. If you can't wait…" He twirled the pasta that Engineer made on his fork. He munched on it, swallowed, and continued, "…then find somethin' ta take up yer time. You were havin' a fun time thinkin' o' the girls before. Go do that somewhere private while ya wait."

Scout blinked at Sniper, and then raged a bit. "That wasn't anythin'! I was just…!"

Sniper shrugged and dropped the subject. "Look, we're tryin' ta give the shielas a reason ta trust us, so let's let Demoman do his work an' you'll get yer chance with a lady later, got it?"

Scout crossed his arms and looked away. "Yeah, I guess…"

Sniper punched the young man playfully on the shoulder, "Right then, so go get yerself ready, right?"

Scout lifted his cap up and smiled at the Australian. "Right!" And he was off like a shot from his pistol. Sniper shook his head slowly, finished off his pasta, and went to wash the plate. So all they had to do was wait…

---

The night sky outside the bases was quite a beautiful sight, and it was tranquil and silent, save for a couple of pairs of feet that shuffled across the sandy path outside of the blue fortress. BLU's Demoman and BLU's Medic walked forward and stood before the bridge, which was thankfully devoid of any booby traps. They looked across the way and saw a woman on the other side of the bridge. RED's Sniper waved them down and gestured for the woman at her side to follow her. RED's Soldier saluted her leader, and the two moved to stand on the bridge.

"I hope you lassies dinnae bring any weapons," Demoman said, suspicious of the two.

Sniper shrugged. "If I had my weapon, do you honestly think I'd be standing three feet in front o' ya?"

"Point taken," Medic said, adjusting his glasses. He looked at Demoman, and nodded lightly. For the moment, it was most beneficial for them to trust the women, at least for now.

The four met on the bridge, and they stared at each other for a few moments before Sniper spoke up. "So, big boys. Been a while since we've seen men on the battlefield."

"Same to ye, lass."

"I think instead of fightin', we should probably be thinkin' of ways to find out what's goin' on with the higher ups." The female leader turned to look at Medic, who was glaring at Soldier. The helmeted woman stared mutely at the two; she said not a word as she stood by Sniper's side, and the leader shrugged. "I assumed a bodyguard would be good, just in case. I would also assume that's why you have your Medic here?"

"The bitch is my advisor," Demoman admitted. Medic twitched and Sniper frowned at the use of words. "So, let's get on wit' it. Ya want a treaty, right? Ya got any thoughts?"

"Aside from a cease fire?" Sniper asked. She thought for a moment. "If we have a treaty, shall we have open access to the others' base?"

"Vhy vould you vant zat?" Medic insisted, frowning at the thought of women running around the base as if they owned it.

"We've all been lonely, aye?" Demoman said. "You against the idea, Medic?"

"Our Zpy is barely hangink on az it iz. It vas you frauleins who made him zat vay. I don't trust any of you at all."

"Now you listen and you listen GOOD, MAGGOT," Soldier suddenly shouted, her saliva flying as spittle when she spoke. She took a step forward and Medic retreated a couple of steps as the woman chewed the German out, "That little piece of shit grabbed my breasts and our Scout is crying from the defilement she endured at his hands. He deserved every little piece of crap done to him. The slimy yellow belly bastard's lucky to be alive, and the only thing I'm SORRY about is that he IS."

"Now now, Soldier…" Sniper turned and gave Soldier a pat on the shoulder, shaking her head with a quaint smile, "We mustn't be so jumpy. What's past is past, right? We are no longer enemies." The leader turned back to Demoman as Soldier turned back and snapped to a salute. Medic looked out from behind the Scotsman and took a deep breath. "I do apologize for my colleague's outburst. Shall we continue where we left off?"

Medic glared at Soldier and the woman stared back at him with a look that could kill.

The treaty went off without a hitch, but Medic was even more distrustful of the women because of Soldier's outburst. He just needed to figure out a way to show them for the bloodthirsty schweinhunds that they were…!

To Be Continued...

---

I dunno if anyone got the scalding hot shower joke. Basically Sniper did everything he could to rid himself of the sight of Scout when he needed his cold shower. It originally was left out but when my friend Myshu looked it over and mentioned that Sniper probably needed to wash his eyes out, I totally agreed with her and added it.

And iff you didn't get any of that, you may be a little too young to get it, and should not bother trying to know it.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Send a review my way please! Tell me what was wrong and what was right, a'aight?


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys, sorry for the untimely update. Honestly I spent my entire spring break on TF2 and WoW. I hardly wrote at all. I don't know how long I can go before I start running out of stuff to put up here too.

Once again, I apologize.

But here the plot thickens a bit? Scout's not as dumb as he seems, actually. Heee. But anyway

READ ON!

---

The next morning was filled with rambunctious behavior that BLU's Medic tried to avoid. BLU's Spy was still hanging on, but Medic wasn't sure he would awaken. He watched over the European with a thoughtful frown on his face, "Spy…"

"HEY DOC!" Medic gave a cry as Scout leaped into the medical ward and flailed wildly, "How're you doin' today?"

"I told you not to come in here vitout an emergency." Medic hissed lightly and continued, "And your voice muzt be quieter."

"Yeah, well…" Scout shrugged and looked over the unconscious man in the bed, "Man, they sure knocked him for a loop, huh?"

"I do not know if I can help him…" Medic said lightly.

Scout turned to Medic, and snapped his fingers. "Oh yeah! You guys were friends before all this, right? Where were you fighting before you joined BLU, anyway?"

Medic's eyes glazed over as he recalled another time. "On zee front linez togezer. Durink zee war. It iz truly hard to fight your own brezeren…"

"And Spy helped you out through that time, right? That's why you're all sick an' homo for him, right?"

Medic suddenly realized where he was and who he was speaking to. He looked up at Scout and glared angrily at the young man. "Don't you have zomezink better to do? Like make your filthy children vit zose schweinhunds?"

"That's the thing, Doc," Scout said. He shrugged lightly. "I don't WANT to have kids yet, ya followin' me? You got anythin' to fix that?"

"Ah, ja." Scout watched as Medic stood up from his stool and walked to a new location of his ward, but the young man blinked incredulously when the German pulled out his saw. Medic stared back at him, and then gestured to the saw. "Vat, I can cut off your tezticlez vit zis, zat iz…"

"What!?" Scout cried. He grasped his privates through his pants and retreated a few steps. "No no no! I meant something less permanent! God what the hell is your problem!?"

Medic was stoic through the entire thing, and he eventually dropped the saw with a huff. "Bah, fine zen. Let me find zomezink…" He moved across the medical ward, dug around in a drawer that he obviously never looked at in forever, and finally fished something out of it. He tossed the young man a small package and shut the drawer tight, "Zere, now get out of here."

Scout frowned at it; there was no writing stamped on it, so… "Wait how do I use one of these anyway? These're condom things, right? I mean I really haven't done any- hey! Stop pushing on me!"

Medic was shooing the young man out of the door with a frown on his face. "Let your 'good time' girlz tell you how to uze it. I'm sure zey vill enjoy an inexperienced child for zee night."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Scout shouted. Medic released the young man, and Scout jumped when the door was slammed behind him. He whirled around with the condom held between his fingers and yelled through the door, "Fine then, jerk, see if I care! I'll find out some other way! I don't need you! HAH."

The Bostonian continued to yell at the door for a few more minutes, and then he frowned and crossed his arms. "Dammit, now what do I do?" he asked himself.

Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over his head.

---

"Engineeeeeeer!"

"Ah told ya not ta git in mah workshop when ahm busy," BLU's Engineer grumbled when Scout barreled in and glanced over the man's shoulder at his work.

"Yo Hard Hat, I need your professional opinion on somethin'."

"Look, Boy, I'm…" Engineer turned around to tell the young man off, but he stopped his rant when Scout lifted up the condom in front of the older man's face. The Texan stared at the condom, and then at the Bostonian.

"How do I use one of these, anyway?"

Engineer sighed in exasperation. "Look Boy, ya never been ta college, ain't ya? Ya don't get 11 PhDs by flirtin' with ladies."

"Oh, come on, Hard Hat. You're so old!" Engineer's frown creased further as Scout continued, oblivious to the Texan's irritation. "You musta slept with a hundred chicks by now!"

"Boy, 'm not even married."

Scout stared at Engineer with a strange look on his face. "What's that got to do with anything?" The Bostonian chuckled. "I mean, you totally rammed a chick before, right?"

"Boy, I'm from Bee Cave," Engineer said. Scout stared at him, and the man spelled it out slowly for the young man. "Bee… Cave… Texas. We don't 'ram chicks' 'til we're married. 's just the way it is."

Scout flailed. "What, you're all homo too!?"

"What're ya talkin' 'bout?" Engineer wondered if he should just kick the child straight out of his workshop. It wasn't as if Scout actually listened to anything he said, anyway. "Ya just gotta wait fer the right girl ta settle down with!"

"Well YOU'RE no help!" Scout practically screamed in frustration. He grasped at his head and grumbled to himself as Engineer went to ignoring the young man. "Now who do I ask? Man, Demoman's freaking all drunk as hell, Medic is all girly and hatin' on everything… Spy's dead ('r nearly, not like it matters anyway), Heavy's making nice with like seven of the chicks over in the RED base…" He snapped his fingers. "Man, why didn't I think of that before?"

---

"Hey Sniper!"

The Australian bumped his head against the wall waking up too fast. "Buggerin' bloody 'ell," he muttered as he rubbed his head to ease the pain. He turned his blurring eyes to the child and squinted at Scout, "Oh, G'day Scout. Ya up fer some huntin' today with Pyro 'n' me?"

"Not today, Sniper!" Scout proclaimed. Sniper's smile turned into a strained white line, but he shook it off and shrugged lightly as Scout continued, "Can you tell me anything about how to bang chicks? You taught me about the shower thing, teach me some other stuff!"

Sniper stared at Scout. The Bostonian flailed. "Well?"

Sniper ignored Scout and returned to sleep.

"Oh yeah? Ignore me, will you? Well, you're probably not into girls anyway! I'm never talkin' to YOU again!"

"Mmphphamphphammmph?" Scout jumped and whirled around. BLU's Pyro was staring at him through his/her gas mask.

"Where the hell did you come from, homo?"

"Mmph."

"And NO, that's NOT the only insult I can think of, ass lover!" Scout stopped. He stared at the fire monster for about seven seconds, and then he flailed angrily. "I mean, ass_hole_!" Pyro congratulated Scout by clapping for him. "Damn you all, bastards!" The Bostonian flipped them off as he trudged off with a dejected look on his face. No one was willing to help him; now what was he supposed to do? Man, now Spy would laugh at him with that cute French laugh she does. Not that he would mind her cute French laugh, but it would be directed at him, and not with him!

"What am I going to do…?" Scout moaned.

"I don't know. What are you going to do, Mon Petit?" Scout suddenly felt something wrap around his waist, and he looked down. Nothing. He shifted lightly to see what was behind him. His elbow connected with an invisible woman's temple. "Aaahhh!"

"Spy!" Scout cried out in horror. The woman recoiled; a flash of red danced through the air, and then she appeared, rubbing her head with a pained expression. "Oh man, Spy, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to."

"Ahh… It's al… it's alright, Mon Petit." She shook her head to clear the fogginess and smiled at the young man. "See? No harm done."

Scout couldn't help but blush when she smiled at him. She was the only one who smiled at him that way, and god, she was just so beautiful. He just wanted to get right on with it right then and there! But no, he was going to do this the right way! He would be all suave and lead her off to a place where they could be alone together, and then…

Spy had other things in mind. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and walked him back into a wall so she could eat his tonsils more effectively.

"Mmph!" Scout grunted, sounding a lot like Pyro that moment. He accepted the kiss rather awkwardly, but Spy led him and he tried his best. When he finally managed to pull away to breathe, he gasped for air and attempted to speak. "Spy, listen, can't we find a better place?"

"Nnn, where would a better place be than here?" she asked, sucking on his lower lip.

Scout tried to remember how to speak. "Somewhere… where there's no…"

"If they're going to get mad at us for making love here, then it's their loss, oui?" she said matter-of-factly. She was beginning to pick up the pace and roam the young man's body with her gloved hands when something stopped her. She immediately turned her head and stared at BLU's Sniper and Pyro as they walked by. The woman locked eyes with the Australian, who seemed nonchalant about the whole sight. Pyro snorted at the two and followed his/her friend across the room and out towards the exit.

RED's Spy seemed to bristle at the two, and immediately released Scout. The young man stared forward, head foggy from lack of blood in his brain. He took a few deep breaths, saw Spy move towards Sniper's usual nest, and hobbled after her. "Spy! Spy!" He found her standing on the deck and glaring down at the two hunters as they left the base. Scout cocked his head. "Spy, what's the m…" He was cut off when Spy slapped her hand over his mouth.

"Snipers…" she said lowly, her breath coming out as a hiss.

"Thliferth?" Scout asked. She grasped his head and pressed her hand harshly against his mouth. She watched as the two walked off together.

"Where is he going?" She asked herself, "Just where is he going?"

"Thpie…"

"Filthy camping Snipers… where is he going…?"

"Cn't… breeth…"

Spy blinked lightly, and she released the young man. Scout took a deep gulp of air, and promptly hiccupped. Spy looked in deep thought, but she stopped when Scout lifted his finger, "…said he was goin' huntin' with Pyro. What's wrong with Snipers? You don't like them?"

"Everything about them is opposite to what a natural battle should be." Spy crossed her arms, "filthy scared little girls…"

"But your leader's a Sniper. Do you hate her too?"

Spy pursed her lips as she answered. "I only hate male Snipers. They're always so 'professional'; they only have their minds on their job. How do you even talk to someone like that?"

Scout shrugged. "Sniper's not so bad once you get to know him, you know. I mean, he doesn't talk much, but he's a good listener. I bet he wouldn't mind talkin' to you if you wanted, Spy. Sniper's real good at treating women nice." Scout suddenly blinked, and it was time for him to look deep in thought. "Although, come to think of it, didn't you say you never fought against any men? How do you know about male Snipers, anyway? I mean, I never met another Sniper, and I at least fought against one or…"

Scout was cut off when Spy slammed him against the wall and continued kissing him all over. The Bostonian bit back a pained cry from the rough treatment and flailed at her. "That's not goin' to make me stop asking you stuff! Spy, listen to me- oh my god do that again…!"

Scout slid down the wall as Spy worked to loosen him up. He found himself on the floor, and with the small bit of self control he had left, he fidgeted with his pocket. He finally found the condom that was a gift from Medic, and he lifted it up for her to see.

"Oh, Mon Petit, you are such a sweetie," she said with a delighted smile, "Are you ready?"

The Bostonian swallowed to try to rid himself of the dryness in his mouth, and all he could do was nod slowly. Spy gave a delightedly twisted smile and nodded. "Alright then, let's do this…"

The two were interrupted when a shot rang out, and Scout shouted when he saw a small bullet hole in the wall just inches from his face. Spy immediately looked up and turned around. RED's Sniper waved to them across the battlements and gestured for the woman.

"Mon dieu…" Spy said. She struggled to untangle herself from Scout, and she adjusted her tie. "I am afraid our meeting has to be cut short, Mon Petit."

"She was watching the whole time!? She could have…!"

Spy flicked her spent cigarette at Scout, who batted it away in fear. "Please, Mon Petit, do not be such a prude."

"I'm no square! But that's…!"

Spy giggled and activated her cloak. "I'll see you again. We'll pick up where we left off at another time, oui?"

"Spy!" Scout reached out to grab her ankle, but she had already left. "Dammit, Spy, you didn't tell me what I wanted to know!!"

He crossed his arms and cursed. Looks like he'd need another cold freaking shower; God, they were so uncomfortable. He'd have to ask her about Snipers and stuff later when they saw each other again…

…Provided he remembered when they did…

"Spy…" Scout muttered as he struggled to stand. Dammit, the more he thought about it, the more he wondered if his mum was right.

Maybe she WAS trouble…

---

Once again, I apologize. I'll see what I can to do to write other stuff, but at the moment it's just not stuff I can upload here.

I actually had a hard time writing Scout's homophobic remarks (Remember, guys, Homophobic was THE THING to be back in 1968. It's sad to think about, but it's true). My friend reminded me that "Gay" wasn't used the way we usually do nowadays (listen to the Flintstones' theme song to see what I mean), so I had to find other words that might have been more period. Even then I probably screwed up.

Reviews would be nice, regardless.


	6. Chapter 6

READ ON!

---

Somewhere in the BLU compound, a woman wandered through the base ever so carefully. She grasped her hardhat in fear when she heard a man shout obscenities directed at some spy or another. It was somewhere else in the base, however, and she really didn't care much either way. She didn't care much for Spies, so she hoped that she wouldn't be running into them. She just wanted to… Oh, there it was!

RED's Engineer knocked on the door and was met with an almost angry reply: "Scout, I told ya, I ain't in the mood! Find someone else ta learn from, ya hear?"

"Uhm… excuse me…" The ranting on the other side stopped when the woman spoke. She opened the door and peeked into the workshop. "Am I interruptin' summin, darlin'?"

BLU's Engineer stared at the woman. "Darlin'?"

"Oh, sorry, I just…" She blushed lightly from embarrassment. "Ev'ryone's 'darlin'' ta me, ya know?"

The man shrugged. Something about her was sort of off putting, but she was dressed as an Engineer and he hoped to god that she had the smarts to back it up. He turned to her by twirling in his swivel chair. "So what do ya want, lil' missy?" he asked, trying to be hospitable with a woman in his workshop.

"I was just… you know…" the female engineer shrugged lightly and walked forward. "I was just thinkin' about 'nother Engineer. It's been so long since I had someone halfway intelligent ta talk ta, ya know?"

He couldn't help but smile at what she said, "I guess I do."

"Ahh!" The woman gasped at what BLU's Engineer was working on just behind him. She peered over his shoulder and smiled at what she saw. "Yer workin' on summin, aincha, darlin'?"

The man chuckled lightly under his breath as he turned back to his blueprints, "Yup, I'm thinkin' about a new model fer mah sentreh. 'm thinkin' o' addin' a bit of summin heah ta…"

"Uh huh, uh huh…" The woman peered over the man's shoulder and nodded her head sagely as she studied the schematics. "Wow, and that'll definitely improve the Sentreh Mechanicel Firin' Device! Yer really up fer improvin' others' work, aincha?"

"Others'?" Engineer said, laughing out loud, "Lady, I designed version one point zero! And one point five, and two point zero, and two point one (had a minor bug ta tweak there)! This beaut' 'ere's version two point six!"

"Amazin'! I'm standin' in the presence o' one o' my heroes!" The woman placed her hands on her hips and lifted her hardhat slightly so she could see him better. The man swelled with pride and smiled brightly as he worked on his schematic. "Well, I'll be darned, yer older'n I imagined!"

And his ego promptly deflated again. He cleared his throat with a firm cough and attempted to sound like he hadn't gotten punched in the gut. "n' that's why I got mah sentreh ta take care o' me. These ol' bones ain't what they use ta be."

"Reckon yer right, ol' timer."

Engineer had half a mind to give her a wrench to the face, but he hunkered down and did his work. The younger woman looked over his shoulder and continued to watch him as he worked his schematic. Her eyes were studying it, and BLU's Engineer found that for some reason, the hair on the back of his neck was standing on end.

Just who was this RED Engineer…?

---

There was a knock on the door to the medical ward, and BLU's Medic twitched lightly when he heard it. He turned and hissed at the door. "Scout, I am tired ov your ztupidity; leave me alone for vahnce in your life!"

The door opened without a word, and Medic tensed. Since when did he allow RED's Soldier to enter his ward? He stood up forcefully and growled at the woman. "Fraulein, I vill not tolerate your prezence here. Leave. Now."

"How's your Spy doing?" the female soldier demanded.

"Vat do YOU care?" Medic shouted, "Get out ov here, I vill not let you in here az long az I can help it!"

The woman suddenly grabbed the German's uniform and dragged him around. Medic took a sharp intake of air as he felt himself slam into the wall next to the medical ward's exit. He gasped at the female soldier through glasses that sat askew on his nose, and he became incredibly uncomfortable when she pressed her large forearm across his chest and leaned close to him. "You can't help it now, can you, Maggot?"

Medic immediately ran through the various serums that were on his person at that moment. He took a deep breath, and opened his mouth, "I… can't very vell breathe, you know."

She slammed her other hand on the wall next to his head, and she smiled through knitted eyebrows. "Can't very well have you dead, can we? We have a truce, you know."

Medic growled and bared his teeth, trying to look as intimidating as he could. "I vould zay you are breachink it at zis very moment, schweinhund."

Soldier laughed loudly, making Medic even more uncomfortable. Was this woman intimidated by nothing? He _was_ a man, after all! One of his hands snuck slowly to his pack as she laughed aloud; he just hoped he would pull the right narcotic out… "Oh no, you 'man', this isn't a breach of a truce!"

She moved quickly; quicker than most soldiers Medic had fought against. Her arm was off of his chest, but it grasped his stray hand and lifted it up to his head with a sinister smile. "No, I'd say that trying to poison me would be a fine breach…"

"Release me…!" Where was his saw? This wasn't looking so well, but he'd be damned if he didn't fight her with every ounce of his strength! "Let me go, filthy schweinhund!"

Her hand left the wall and drew back. Medic gasped and struggled to free himself from her hold on him. Soldier's fist connected to his jaw, and he was sent sprawling. She let go of his hand and watched as he crumpled to the floor, grabbing for his glasses as well as his injured face. He attempted to rise to his hands and knees, but a firm boot to his back ensured that he stayed firmly on the floor. "How's the floor tastin', Nazi Bastard?"

"Dummkopf! I vas in zee French Foreign Legion! I FOUGHT zee Nazis!" Medic gagged when she leaned on her foot, effectively crushing his lungs a second time. "F-f- you schwein…!"

"You know, I came here to see if your Spy was at least awake. I wanted to make sure he paid for his little fun with our Scout. She didn't do anything to him, but he groped her like she was a little harlot!" Medic gasped in pain as she ground her foot between his shoulder blades. "She has a boyfriend out there somewhere that she's been saving herself for and your spy had the GALL to be the first one to touch her? There is no justice in this world!"

"Va-haaahhhh…" Medic gasped, his hands flailing in a poor attempt to fight back.

Soldier would not be deterred. Her rage was billowing the more she spoke; spittle flew from her mouth as she continued. "…And here you are, you filthy pile of rat refuse! You're protecting his yellow bellied HIDE. You're just as bad as him! NO. You're WORSE."

"Get… ofv…!"

"I wanted to beat the living daylights out of that maggot a second time, but you know what? You'll be just as good!"

Medic didn't want to show it, but he was getting scared. There had been times when he had gotten into scrapes like this, but he was always near someone who could help him out of tough times. He had never really been alone during battles; this was the first time he had ever been really alone! Everyone else had left the base; it was only he and Spy. He racked his brain. There must be others in here! There MUST be! "Zpy… Zpy…!" If there was any time for him to wake up dramatically and mysteriously help fight off the woman despite being horribly wounded, it was now.

"What's that? You're not 'man' enough to fight your own battles? Gotta have some unconscious sack of crap to do it for you? Just what I expected from a MALE."

Engineer! Oh, thank the heavens, he remembered that BLU's Engineer didn't want to leave the base and was still in his workshop. He tried to remember how Scout always got Engineer's attention. Oh, yes! That was it! "Zee dispenser goes HEAH, Zee dispenser goes HEAH!"

---

Meanwhile, in BLU's Engineer's workshop, the two engineers worked and talked, until something made the man twitch. It was a shout that implied that Engineer couldn't do his job correctly. It was a shout that made him angry as all hell. "What in tarnation could the doc be yellin' about?"

"What're ya talkin' about, ol' timer?" The younger, female engineer shrunk back at the older man's glare. "I mean, darlin'?"

"It means if I ever want some peace 'n' quiet, I bettah git ovah there." He stood up and stretched a bit. He moved to the door, and stopped. The female engineer hadn't moved from her spot. "Ya comin'?"

"Oh! Of course!" She nodded and turned around, "I just… lemme grab my wrench. I left it somewhere 'round here…"

Engineer frowned, but Medic's insistent shouting made him groan and rush towards the medical ward. "Swear ta all that's good 'n' holy, if theah's not a conflabbin'ly GREAT reason fer 'is shoutin', Mmma beat 'im like a rented mule!"

"Comin', darlin'!" The woman arrived at his side as they rushed to the medical ward. The two could hear a struggle inside, and Engineer feared that there was an actual reason for Medic's call. Well, whenever Medic spoke there was almost always a good reason to do it; the Texan suddenly felt a little guilty for doubting the German. The two opened the door to the ward, and the female engineer gave a cry of disbelief.

"Solly!" The battle in the ward immediately stopped at the female Engineer's cry, and both RED's Soldier and BLU's Medic looked up at the two newcomers. The woman was covered in deep cuts that had been given to her by the broken medicine bottle in Medic's hand. Conversely, the Medic had various bruises, a split lip, and his head was being smashed into one of his counters by Soldier. "Solly, wut in God's green earth 'r you doin'?"

"Solly" shoved roughly on Medic's head for good measure, and she stepped back a few steps with her hands on her hips. "Filthy maggot started it."

"Started it!?" Medic practically screeched, stumbling to stay standing against the counter. His head was a fog; she had struck him in the head so many times, it was a wonder he was still conscious. He wondered if she had giving him a concussion. "You… Schweinhund…!"

The female Engineer held her hand to her mouth with an "oh my". "Oh Solly, we'll needta get ya ta Medic. Yer all cut up!"

"She needz medical attention!?" Medic cried, "Vat about me!"

"Suck it up, Maggot!" Soldier shouted in retort.

"Calm down theah, Doc," BLU's Engineer said, walking up to the German and supporting him with a sigh, "I'll git ya a med kit Eh Ess Eh Pee. Just wut happened heah?"

The two immediately pointed at each other and screeched that it was the other who assaulted them first. The engineers sighed. "Look, Spah's still sleepin'…"

Soldier growled. "…Hope he never wakes up!"

"…'N' we're both tired o' ya two shoutin' all thah time. Just… make sure she doesn't come back heah, got it?"

RED's Engineer smiled and nodded. "You heah that, Solly? Yer undah house arrest!"

"Filthy lying yellow bellied MAGGOT!!" Soldier shouted as the female engineer drew her from the room. The shouting and cursing continued for a while, until she was completely out of earshot. Medic struggled to stand on his own, but Engineer held him tightly so he didn't hurt himself.

"No one's here, Doc. Just take it easy."

"Eazy… iz eazy for you to zay…"

Engineer chuckled as he led the German to a chair and set him down. He then turned to work on finding something for Medic to heal himself with. "So, what happened?"

"Zee harpy appeared from nowhere and attacked me for protectink our Zpy."

Engineer shrugged as he brought the pack down from a cabinet. "There a reason we're protectin' thah yellah bellied bastard?"

Medic frowned visibly. "Engineer!"

"I got it, I got it, but ya know, I ain't gunna stick up fer 'im. Old habits die hard, 'm guessin'."

Medic shook his head as Engineer brought him the medicine, and he began to operate on himself. "For you az vell as I, I vould zay."

"Right right. 'ey Doc, you alright here on yer own?"

"Az long az zee little Texan keeps zat monster on her zide of zee bridge," Medic replied. He tugged fiercely on the bandage that wrapped around his arm, as if the mere thought of the woman made him angry.

"Imma head back ta mah workshop, then. Ya'll take care o' yerselves, a'aight?"

"Right." Medic continued his first aid, and Engineer stood and stared at the German. Finally, the Texan sighed and began to leave. "Engineer?" Engineer blinked when he heard Medic speak, and he turned around to face the doctor. Medic smiled faintly at the man. "Danke, for your help, my hard hatted friend."

Engineer chuckled and smiled back. "Just doin' a service fer thah team." He opened the door and was gone.

---

I don't even know. I'm tired and bleh.

Hopefully it's good.


	7. Chapter 7

Uhm... I could have sworn I had something to say here...

oh well:

READ ON!

---

"Who does Medic think he is?"

"Yeah!"

"Always healing Spy, always healing Pyro, always healing Demoman!"

"I know!"

"What about Heavy's healing? When does Heavy get heals?"

"Can't tell ya, mate."

BLU's Heavy was surrounded by three women: RED's Medic, RED's Sniper, and RED's Demo(wo)man laughed alongside him as he shouted angrily about BLU's Medic. "Ya maybe shooda gi'in that Medic whatfor, aye?"

"No need to be zo violent, Demowoman." RED's Medic said, her devilish smirk planted on her face. "If Heavy vants a Medic, he can have a Medic vitout a fight."

"Are you implying treason, Doc?" RED's Sniper asked, grasping the tiny woman in her arm and fighting to tussle her hair.

"Auuu!! Herr Zniper, releaze me…!"

The Australian complied, but for a different reason. "Oh, finally got yerself up, lil' miss?" Sniper released the female Medic and looked up to the balcony above them. There was a young woman who had seemed to have just left the dormitories. She was dressed haphazardly, and it looked like she had been crying for a while. "What's the matter, Scout?"

RED's Scout sniffled and rubbed her eyes with her arm. "I… I'm sorry, am I interrupting anything?"

"Cummon down 'n' join us!" Demo(wo)man ordered. The young woman looked down at the four, and she tensed.

"Is that… BLU's Heavy? He's not all…"

"'asn't tooched anay butts yet, yer safe, lass."

"What have I not touched?" Heavy asked, getting confused at the women's conversation.

Scout smiled as she found her way downward to the group below her. "Oh, that wasn't what I was thinking of. Of course not."

"Of course not? Mate, you were bawlin' yer eyes out last night. Whatever did that Spy do ta ya?"

Scout looked indignant that no one understood her suffering. "No one has ever touched me there, not even my boyfriend! He kept asking for a kiss or a hug but he's waited for me until I was ready! How can I tell him that he wasn't the first one to touch me that way?"

"You zound like zis Zpy took your virginity."

"Not that it'd be that bad. I mean, Spies do tend to end up sexy as hell."

"You girls are impossible!" Scout wailed, flailing in horror. "Why did I ever get stuck with you, anyway?"

"Little Girl!" Scout blinked and turned to Heavy, her eyes wide. "Do not be sad, Little Girl. When Spy wakes up, I will PUNCH him good for you, so do not cry!"

The young woman stared at the hulking man before her, and she suddenly realized why he had so many women surrounding him. He was just so funny! She smiled brightly in his direction. "Oh, you don't have to punch him. We kinda gave him a trashing when he was here. I feel a little bad for him now. How is he doing?"

"He is taking time from MEDIC healing my HURTS." Scout's eyes widened, and she retreated from the man. She shivered in fear when the smiling behemoth turned into an angry monster. "I have hurts that need healing and he does NOTHING for them!"

"I see that…" Scout said quickly, edging back and hiding behind Sniper. She took back everything she thought before; this man was like a huge bear: cute at first glance, but ready to rend anyone apart in mere seconds.

She looked up at Sniper, and the woman smiled back at Scout. "Don't worry, mate. We've got it under control."

Like that wasn't the most cryptic thing Scout had ever heard. She opened her mouth, but she was interrupted when something flashed into appearance. RED's Spy appeared and saluted her superior. "Reporting for duty, Lady Sniper."

"There you are, Spy. I was wonderin' when you were gunna show yerself." Sniper turned to Scout, pried the young woman from her back, attached her to Demo(wo)man's back, and turned back to the female European, who was lighting up as she waited. "Come on, I need ta speak with ya."

"Of course." She turned to Heavy and gave him a wave. "Good day, gentlemen." And with that, she turned on her heel and followed Sniper off. The four that were left in the room stared after the two, and Scout slowly detached herself from Demo(wo)man to get a better look at where the two left.

"Did… she just call us 'gentlemen'…?" Scout asked.

"And you had doubts zat she vas insane?" Medic said bluntly, arms crossed.

"Is wrong?" Heavy asked, "BLU Spy says 'Gentlemen' all the time. Right before I PUNCH him for making little girls cry!"

RED's Medic smiled widely, her smile was hidden from the man's face and her lips spread from ear to ear devilishly. This man was so simple; Medic had to fight from cackling loudly. "Now now, Heavy, you remember zat violence iz not alwayz zee answer. If you need a Medic, I can be your Medic."

Heavy looked happy at the prospect, but Scout and Demo(wo)man exchanged glances of light fear. That arrangement probably wouldn't end well…

The women shrugged at each other. But what the huge Russian didn't know, wouldn't hurt him too much, right?

---

Soldier muttered under his breath. The entire RED base was filled with girly frilly pink and red THINGS. It was enough for the man to gag in repulsion. Was there anything that wasn't so damn girly around here?

…Aside from the sewers?

The man sighed as he found his way down into the muck. He heard that RED's Pyro hadn't found his/her way up again even after the treaty. Soldier was hoping a bit that s/he didn't know there was a cease fire and they could clobber each other for a while. Rough sex was hot anyway.

…Although rough sex in a place that stank of rat refuse was NOT hot. Soldier mentally added that and made sure to offer a better place than this for next time.

He sloshed through the sewage, looking around for the supposed Pyro, and the moment he hopped down from the pipe, something came down to cleave his helmet in two. He reached up with lightning reflexes and caught the handle of the fire axe. He yanked on the axe, fully expecting his "enemy" to be dragged along, but RED's Pyro held fast. This surprised Soldier; he didn't ever imagine that a woman could be even close to his strength!

He frowned and held fast as the pyro yanked on his axe, and suddenly a light bulb appeared over his head. With a smile, Soldier released the axe, and Pyro was sent sprawling to the floor. The RED asbestos blob reached to grab the axe and continue the battle, but Soldier let out a blood curdling scream and leaped on top of him/her. Pyro screamed in anger as Soldier dropped on top of him. "Well, you're a feisty one!"

"Mmph! Mmphphpmmmmph!" the creature spat. S/he struggled in his grip and snarled.

Soldier chuckled at how strong s/he was. It would make for some interesting and rather lengthy sex. "Now now, girly, there's been a truce. You don't have to fight anymore." Pyro stopped immediately and stared at Soldier, as if s/he couldn't believe it. "So you can stop your fighting if you want. We're all friends here. Although, I bet you're a right pretty one under that mask."

Pyro simply stared at Soldier from behind his/her mask. The entire sewers were absolutely quiet, and then suddenly…

…there were sounds from Pyro. They were wheezing types of sounds, as if the pyro were taking sharp, small intakes of air. It took Soldier a long moment to realize s/he was laughing. S/he was laughing at him!

"Okay, what's so funny, lady?" The man released her slightly, and Pyro grasped his/her mask, shaking with laughter. "You got somethin' to say?"

Pyro lifted his/her finger, still laughing. It took him/her a long while, but s/he finally calmed down. Finally, s/he grasped at his/her helmet, and began to remove it. Soldier blinked as s/he pulled the mask up ever so slowly…

That jaw… Soldier stared at it intently. The small flecks of hair that hadn't been singed off… The cheekbones, the creased lips… they looked specifically… no, it couldn't be…

RED's Pyro removed his mask, and he smiled up at the soldier on top of him. "Yo, amigo," he said in a thick Latin American accent.

Soldier recoiled in horror with a shout, and the man laughed in delight. He smiled widely and suddenly spoke in a rather refined American accent. "Ahhh, Dio, if only you could see your face! Truly priceless!"

"You're a! You're a!!"

"Un hombre. Si. What did you expect?"

Soldier shuddered in horror at the thought. "I assumed WOMEN joined ALL FEMALE regiments, maggot!"

The Chilean sat up and collected his mask. "But when I wear this, I can pretend to be a woman and sneak in! Think about it, amigo; everywhere you look. Women as far as the eye can see. Truly, a paradise!" Well, the Soldier didn't doubt that in the slightest. He opened his mouth, but the pyro interrupted him with a sigh, "at least, that's what I thought before joining."

"How'd your plans mess up? Did you think you could get away with pretending to be a woman the whole time?"

"I underestimated the women. I assumed they were… you know, womanly." The man chuckled lightly at the thought. "I sure was proved wrong. They're… how does one say it, monsters? Si. It is… it is torture in here. The moment they found out I was a man, they stuck me down in the sewers. Can you believe they beat me if I try to leave this place without their say?"

"And you let them boss you around like a kid? You're a man, private! Suck it up!" Soldier said, clearly unimpressed by the man.

"Have you FOUGHT one of them, amigo? No, of course not, so do not speak. In fact, if they found out I was talking to you about this, I'd be in deep… how does one say it… ahhh, mierda…" Soldier opened his mouth, but the pyro refused to speak any further. He stuck his mask on and snorted through his filter. "Mmphmphph!"

"So you're going to hide down here like the maggot you are? I suppose I wasn't so wrong about you. You're no better than a woman!" Soldier growled. Pyro touched his mask with his hand and pretended to blow a kiss to Soldier, clearly making fun of the BLU for his previous actions. The man snarled at Pyro, turned on his heels, and left.

But what that man said… he said that the women hurt and beat him simply for being male. The girls seemed nice enough on the outside, but BLU's Spy was still in the infirmary. Soldier wondered just how long it would take before someone else crossed a line. Perhaps Medic was right; these women were loose cannons, and weren't to be trusted…

---

I'm only revealing this Pyro here because he'll only be appearing in this story and probably will never appear again. Or if he ever does, it'll be as a bit character. I really wanted a South American instead of an Asian this time around (hurhur Heavy's Asian so there), so I went with Chile. His manner of speech is kind of based off of my mother. She doesn't know much Spanish but her accent is wonderful. I kinda wanted him to have trouble grasping the English Language but be really good at speaking it. That way I don't have to look up how a Chilean accent should look.

HURRAY FOR LAZINESS?

Hope you enjoyed it. Tell me how much it sucks, please~


	8. Chapter 8

Uhm... yeah...

Baldur's Gate ate my soul.

I wrote some fanfic for it. I put it on my DA. I dunno if I'll put it up here.

Also I've been watching old Sonic cartoons. Yeah, from the 90s. I don't even know. Apparently Charlett's a furry now I guess I don't even know anymore.

Also this has been ready for like a month but I was unhappy with it. I'm still unhappy with it, but I just wanted to give you guys a heads up. I dunno, I may not be updating HERE, per se. I've gotten backlogs of another TF2 story starring Spy and Scout, and some FFIX stuff.

Final Fantasy 9.

Someone, shoot me now, please.

Or you could just READ ON!

---

BLU's Scout shook his hair out after his shower. The whole day was just so dumb; he just wanted to find Spy, ask her the questions, and maybe have sex with her if she wasn't out to kill them all. He wandered from his base and walked across the bridge, watching for anything that might be set up as a trap to slaughter him. He found something he wasn't expecting.

RED's Scout was sitting on the side of the bridge, looking into the sewage moat with a mournful sigh. The young man blinked at her, and took a step forward. She didn't bother to look up, but she knew there was someone behind her. "I wish the water wasn't so mucky. I love to swim."

"Yeah, not much you can do in there, huh?" The female scout looked up at the male scout as he joined her. He leaned on the railing that the young woman was sitting on and stared at the water. "You wouldn't want to go there anyway. There's monsters down there."

The female scout didn't quite seem to believe him. "Monsters. Right."

"It's true!" Scout insisted. "There's these like ugly squid headed people and these guys that dress up like Spy and they have tentacles. Freaking gross as hell. No one goes in the sewers much these days."

"I feel a little bad for our Pyro then…" the woman said. Her new friend blinked at her and she turned to him. "Our Pyro's been down there for a few days. Although if you say that the monsters dress up like Spy, he (uhm, I mean she) can take care of his (I mean her) self."

"I guess." The two settled into a slightly awkward silence, but the young man didn't want to leave it that way. He looked up and smiled at the young woman. "So how about a race?"

The woman blinked at him. "A race?"

"Yeah," the male winked at her cockily. "Or are you afraid I'll beat you?"

The other person giggled aloud. "You probably would," she admitted.

The male scout smirked. "Oh yeah? We'll I'm sure I could beat you with one- wait what?"

"You probably would." She said again, lifting her legs up so she could turn around and hop onto the bridge. "I mean, I haven't had much chance to run in a while, and I bet you've been running everywhere."

"What kind of Scout doesn't run wherever he (or she, I guess) goes?"

The woman blinked and looked away, a blush creeping up on her cheeks. "Running is unladylike…" she muttered lowly.

BLU's Scout placed his hands on his hips and studied her light frame, wondering how she ever ended up on the battlefield anyway. "Hate to break it to you, but shooting people on a battlefield isn't real ladylike either."

The tinier scout rubbed her arms and frowned. "I guess you're right…" she said lightly, wearing a soft smile.

"So come on, loosen up! Let's have a race!" The young man bounced up and down, warming up for the coming race. "Come on come on; let's race to the intelligence room!"

"Which one?"

"I dunno, yours!"

"Lady Sniper would be unhappy if we were caught down there."

The male scout smirked devilishly. "That's what makes it so much fun! We'll be down there and gone before she even notices! Nothin' like a little danger to get the adrenaline punching. Let's do it come on come on come on!"

The female scout giggled at his exuberance. The more he thought about it, the happier he looked. She really would feel bad if she said no to him now… "I guess we could try- hey…!"

She cried out in horror as he pushed on her back, leading her to RED's base. "Let's go let's go let's go! Imma freakin' blur here, see ya!" And with that, he was off. He waved at BLU's Pyro as the creature returned from his/her hunting with Sniper. "Hey Pyro! Say 'hi' to Sniper for me! Hurry up, other Scout! Imma leave you in the freakin' dust!"

"Wait up, you've got a head start! Cheater!" and the RED woman was soon following after him. "Come back, you gotta be at the same starting place, otherwise it's not a race!"

"All's fair in love and war, toots!"

"You're a mean, horrible cheater!"

BLU's Pyro watched as the children rushed into the base, yelling at each other all the way. The creature cocked his/her head, and then shook it with a sigh. Why ask him/her to say "hi" to Sniper when they were heading to where he was at that very moment, anyway?

Sometimes, s/he found it so hard to understand kids…

---

BLU's Scout eventually stopped shouting when he remembered that they were racing to a place that was supposed to be TOP SECRET and decided to be a little more discreet. At least, as discreet as a guy running in cleats could be.

He skidded along the floor, ruining the tile, as he rushed to the basement hallway that led to the intelligence. He hardly noticed that he ran past an open door, and he skid to a halt. A winner was him! He pumped his arms in the air. "Wooo! Totally beat that chick out- hey what are you doing here?"

BLU's Sniper looked up from his seat on the desk that housed the RED intelligence. "Oh, g'day, Scout."

"What are you doing here, reading their intel? Why?"

Sniper shrugged as he looked over the papers, his face set in stone. "We gotta truce, right? Ain't nothin' wrong with readin' their top secret junk if they're lettin' us inta their base, right?"

Scout frowned. It sounded good on paper, but he really wondered if it was alright. "Well, I guess, but really."

The two were interrupted when they heard huffing and puffing. RED's Scout gasped for precious oxygen as she stumbled into the intelligence room. "No… fair… cheater…"

"Man, you're tired out from that little bit of running? What are you, Sniper?" The Bostonian turned to the Australian. "No offense."

"Meh," Sniper replied, scanning the papers.

"W-w-what is he doing?" the young woman asked. She stared at the man as he read through their secrets, and she rushed forward. "What are you… what are you doing!?"

"Calm down, sheila," Sniper said as he pulled the papers away from her long, grasping arms, "I ain't done anythin' yet. Don't worry 'bout it."

"You're not supposed to read those!" the woman cried, her voice rising to new pitches with each sentence, "You're not supposed to! Put them down!"

"What, is there summin' in here you don't want us to see?" he asked, a smile on his face.

"Come on, Sniper, they didn't read through our stuff," the male scout said, "Just give her the papers and let's go before their leader finds us down here and calls the entire truce off."

The young woman was shoving against the man in a feeble attempt to get at the papers. "Give them back or I'll-!" she stopped when the Australian pulled out his kukri and pointed it dangerously at her gut.

"Or you'll what…?" he said lowly as he eased off of the desk, forcing the young woman back as he did so.

BLU's Scout gave a holler and took a step forward. "Hey, hey, Sniper! The hell are you doing?"

"What we shoulda done from the beginnin'." He lifted the papers that he was reading, offering them for the Scout to peruse. The Australian's face turned cold as ice as it became apparent that Scout was not moving. The two simply glared at each other, and finally Sniper attempted to explain himself, "Listen Mate, the sheilas aren't here for anythin' but our deaths."

"What are you talking about?" the female scout asked.

"Don't play dumb with me, sheila." He tossed the clipped bundle of papers at BLU's Scout, who caught them and tried to skim through the jargon that was written on them. "Your battalion's here to try and take us down; it's the whole reason you're here."

"I don't…" BLU's Scout stared at the papers, still not sure if what was written there was what BLU's Sniper had said. "I don't… understand." Of course, the young man was lying to himself. The spy he had met with was a pretty poor one; he had his suspicions from the beginning. He just really didn't want to believe that such a nice Scout and such a good kisser were…

Oh wait; he watched enough James Bond movies to understand the latter… but it wasn't like he liked it at all!

"I don't know… I don't know what you mean…" the young woman turned around to look at her new friend. Her eyes pled with him, begging him to believe her. BLU's Scout looked down at the papers, and looked back up.

"Sniper, I don't think she knows what's in here."

The Australian frowned at Scout. If there was any a time he shouldn't have been thinking with his second brain, it was now. "Oh, come on, Scout."

"No really! She's not much of a scout. She's really new! I don't think she really knows what's going on. Come on, Sniper, you don't have to kill anyone right now."

"No…" a sultry voice murmured lightly. Something grasped at the Australian from behind, and the female scout retreated with a cry. Scout whipped up his pistol as a red outline appeared, and the female spy smiled at her prey. "No, that's my job right now, I would say…"

"Spy…!" RED's Scout whined.

"Oh, do be quiet," Spy snapped, trying to find a way to keep the taller, growling man from overpowering her. "Go find Lady Sniper and tell her what's happened. It seems this charade is over. I'm glad I was able to make it here to check this room out before my next mission. Something could have happened that would throw the entire plan into jeopardy."

The young scout was nearly gone, but she stopped when she heard her friend speak. "Come on, Other Scout! You can't honestly sell us out! After I saved you and everything?"

"It's too bad your Scout isn't much a sniper, isn't that so?" the spy whispered up at her captive. "Now now, do I cut you now and risk getting shot, or do I hold you until my team comes to tear you two apart? Scout, what are you waiting for? GO."

"But I…" The young woman turned to her friend, and she shivered lightly. "I'm so sorry, Other Scout…!" She turned around and rushed from the room. Sniper groaned lightly and waited to die.

Dammit dammit dammit! BLU's Scout tried not to curse aloud. This wasn't looking good. He shouldn't have trusted her he shouldn't have trusted her he shouldn't have trusted her! "Dammit, after all that time; I really wanted to get to know you better, too!"

"We can, Mon Petit~" the woman smiled from behind her balaclava. "Maybe if you give up now and surrender, Lady Sniper won't use you as target practice, oui?"

Sniper groaned at the woman. "Just shoot the sheila, Scout. She's buggin' the hell outta me."

BLU's Scout frowned and RED's Spy hissed. "But what if I hit you?"

"Then I die. Either way, it'll keep me from listening to her god awful language."

"That does it. Mon Petit, put the gun down this instant, or I'll spray his blood all over you. That'll turn you red enough, don't you agree?"

Sniper shut his eyes when Scout fired. RED's Spy dropped backwards and she landed on the floor, a bullet straight through her forehead. Sniper turned lightly, inspected the body, and smiled at his teammate's work. "Ya see? All yer practicin' paid off."

"Oh god I just killed the lady I was trying to have sex with…" Scout groaned.

"Eh, you'll find someone who isn't trying to kill you or your friends," Sniper said, moving to collect the intelligence papers, "You go find that sheila and stop her from relayin' her message, a'ight?"

"Don't you CARE? God she was so hot and you don't even…!"

"I got better things ta worry 'bout, Mate," he said for the seventeenth time that week.

"Oh my god," Scout said, leaping before he looked, "You don't like girls!"

"I fail to see how this is going to catch that lil' sheila! Go on, Scout, I'll take the intelligence back ta our base."

Scout looked at Sniper, opened his mouth, closed it, and turned away. Sniper was right. There were other, more important things to worry about. But now the Bostonian didn't think he could look at the Australian the same way again… He rushed off, leaving Sniper to grab the papers and stuff them back into the case. The Australian shouldered the intelligence, steeled himself for the run that would definitely tire him out, and jogged from the room.

He just wondered if he was even going to get back to base without getting himself blown apart…

---

Oh yeahhhh, the plot thickens immensely. What you guys didn't immediately figure out, I finally reveal.

Have fun choosing a side. Hohoho!


	9. Chapter 9

HEY GUYS. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys about my trip. I went to the Colorado Mountains and then I went to my new dorm in Texas. TEXAS. Which is funny because it's an engineer's university. I am surrounded by male Texan Engineers.

LE LOL? I dunno.

Anyway, it's short, but I wanted the next part to be really gaspworthy, so READ ON!

---

BLU's Medic awoke abruptly from his sleep at the side of BLU Spy's bed. The med bay door was being pounded on, and he could distinctly hear BLU Engineer's voice. He sounded so angry… "Comink, Engineer… vat could be zee matter?" The German opened the door, and cried out as the Texan barreled into the room.

"Confound it! Did I leave it in here?" Engineer moaned, searching through the places he had been before. Medic watched him with surprise as he messed around the med bay and turned back to the German. "Did I leave anything in here, Doc? Any blueprints?"

"I haven't seen anyzink of yourz today. Iz somezink zee matter?"

"Somethin' tha matter? Doc, it's GONE. The prints 'r gone an' I ain't got any idea o' where they are. What coulda happened?"

Medic placed his chin in his latex glove and thought for a moment. "I honestly have no idea. Vere could zey have gone…?" He turned and his eyes widened at the unconscious man in the bed. "Engineer, you zink by yourself for a moment. Spy? Spy, are you avake?" He moved to inspect the man, whose gloveless finger was twitching lightly.

"Doggone it," Engineer muttered to himself, "what coulda happened? It was right there when I left! It couldn'ta just up an' left, could it?"

"I don't know, I don't know much about your items… Spy, vake up, pleaze." Medic waited for Spy to awaken, but nothing happened. He sighed and suddenly realization hit him. He turned to Engineer with a thoughtful frown. "Engineer… who vas vit you zat time? It vas zat ozer engineer, ja?"

The Texan blinked from behind his goggles and turned to Medic. "Ya don't think… she mighta… I didn't see nothin' on her…"

"Zat iz all I can zink ov."

"Yeah, but yer all 'girls are creepier than a one eyed snake', so yer biased."

"I… wouldn't say that…" The two immediately whirled and faced the bed where Spy was waking up from. The European was attempting to sit up, but Medic had suddenly become very paternal.

"Stay down, you fool." He practically shoved Spy back down on the bed, and the man glared at Medic.

"I am fine, mon ami."

"Not unless I zay zo. Stay down."

Engineer was immediately on the other side of the bed, glowering at the Spy and demanding answers. "What were ya'll sayin', Spy? Summin' about the gals? Tell me!"

Spy lifted his hand and placed it on his forehead with a sigh. "Bah, my 'ead is swimming. Let me… take a moment…"

Engineer hardly ever seemed like the type to get angry, but with his blueprints on the line, he immediately raised his hand as if to backhand the European. "Ya'll talkin' 'bout the girls 'n' mah missin' papers 'n' you've been DEAD this whole time, so start talkin'!"

"Engineer, you vill not backhand my patientz. It iz…"

"The girls are insane. What do you call it…" Spy rubbed his balaclava and grumbled. He turned to Engineer and snapped his fingers. "Batshit."

"Ya'll 'r batshit, tell me summin' ah don't know."

"They're… not women. All of them, it is like they are really men. We 'ave been underestimating them. We think we should confront them like women, but we must..."

"Confront?" Medic asked, "You believe vee should…"

"G'day, Mates!" The three men whirled to face the sniper and pyro who were waving at them. Sniper was holding his arm around Pyro's shoulders and his other arm was clutching his side. Since when did Sniper EVER go into the med bay, anyway? "It was real quiet and I heard ya all shoutin' so I came to see ya."

"Vat happened to…" Medic stopped, and then the turned ever so slightly to the side, and his eyes widened. The RED intelligence was strapped to Sniper's back. "V…Vat is zat!?"

"Wha?" Sniper looked at his back, and then he remembered why his side was splitting and his legs were screaming at him. "Oh yeah, got the intel."

"WHAT." Spy sat straight up and stared at the Australian. "Th… that is… 'ow did you…"

Sniper smiled and winked at the European. "Always have a plan, Mate."

"This is not possible," Spy said, dropping back down on the bed and checking his temperature. "This cannot be possible."

Engineer was too busy beaming with happiness at Spy's expense to care what Medic wanted to know. "Vell zen, vat vas in it?"

Sniper answered as Pyro helped him into a seat in the ward. "Plans, orders, the usual," he muttered, stretching his legs out and cursing under his breath. "The sheilas are plannin' on killin' us all."

Sniper was expecting at least a gasp, but everyone shrugged with an "Eh". Apparently they already were expecting it, which wasn't that hard to assume, seeing as how they were the only ones here and not over there having sex with them. There was silence for a moment, and Pyro spoke up. "Mmph mmmphphmmph?"

"I zuppoze Pyro iz right," Medic said with a sigh, "Who'z ready for a preemptive strike?"

Pyro's and Engineer's hands shot up immediately. Spy was still pouting a little ways away, and Sniper was cursing at his legs.

Medic frowned and began making orders, as Demoman wasn't around to pull rank on him. "If you vould, Sniper, vould you ztay here und protect zee papers?"

"When can I not? Damn this hurts… How does that kid do it?"

The German turned to the Texan. "Zen Engineer vill accompany you in zee basement."

"What 'r' you talkin' about, Doc?" Engineer asked immediately, "I ain't gunna stay 'ere when mah baby's out there!"

"Engineer, zey are only blueprintz. Pyro, Spy and I vill…"

"I ain't trustin' NOTHIN' withat godanged SPAH," he shouted, pointing at the European for good measure. Spy flipped the Texan off while reapplying his gloves. "I'm goin' wit ya!"

"Zat is…"

"Nothin'! I'll set up in them there sewers. We can send teleports back here in case things get hairy. It's a legitimate plan, Doc." He glared defiantly at the doctor, sounding a whole lot more like Soldier than usual (although it wasn't surprising. Everyone had learned a bit about intimidation from the guy). "You will not sit me back here!"

"But vat about Sniper? He iz not fully…"

"'ey, Mate," Sniper said. Every eye was on him, and he shrugged. "Ya'll know how ta lock this place up? I'll hole up in here 'till ya'll return."

Medic opened his mouth to deny him the option, but he stopped. He sighed and rubbed his temples. "If I vind even VAHN zink gone…"

"I ain't no pill popper. It ain't the style of a professional."

The German glared at Sniper. "Pray to the organz zat I haven't ztolen zat zuch iz zee case." He then turned to the others and motioned for them to follow. "Come, vee vill meet zem from zee sewerz."

The other three saluted their second-in-command and followed after him obediently. Sniper frowned and continued rubbing his legs, when suddenly it hit him. "Wait… which organs have you stolen, anyway!?"

But the four were already gone.

---

Hope you guys enjoyed it, and I hope I didn't lose too many of you. I updated RED Vs BLU and I saw that most of you have either forgotten about me or could care less now.

Either way, review and tell me what I can do to improve! Telling me you want bigger, longer chapters is good enough for me. Thanks in advance!


	10. Chapter 10

I was going to shorten it so I wouldn't have to write too much over the week but it'd be hard finding a place to do so effectively. OH WELL.

Those who do not have the PC version or who have not played since the Sniper and Spy update will not get this. So just look it up on the TF2 wiki. HURRAY?

READ ON!

---

BLU's Soldier wandered through the RED compound, suddenly a lot more conscious of the way the women moved. Everything they did seemed to be a motion to attack. This put many of them off of him, but he didn't mind; he didn't want to associate with women who were insane. They just weren't like normal people.

He blinked when he heard a drunken duet, and he immediately realized who the two were. The two Demopeople were linked by the shoulders and their free arms were holding their favorite respective whisky. The two were screeching off key Scottish folk tune and laughing (or giggling) into each others' shoulders. Soldier bristled, but his leader seemed to be in no danger. That didn't stop him from saluting his superior when he passed by, either.

"'ey 'ey 'ey!! Thisiss maisoljur!" Demoman said through a drunken drawl. He motioned at the saluting man with his bottle, and the two took a moment to look at him.

"Ahahahahaha! Watta doofus!"

"Ahnorite." And with that, the two continued on, laughing uproariously and singing even more off key than before. It took two more minutes before Soldier realized that Demoman was NOT going to tell him to go at ease, and he shuffled off somewhere else.

He grumbled at the fact that he was beginning to lose his way; just where was the exit to this blasted hell hole? It'd be easier to work with if he didn't always get lost in this part of his own base! He soon found himself in a hallway, and he blinked when he heard the pitter-patter and breathing of an obviously female creature. RED's Scout was running as fast as she could, although she was not nearly as fast as BLU's Scout, who was chasing after and gaining on her with every stride. "Soldier!" the male scout shouted, waving his teammate down, "Soldier, stop her! Stop her!!"

Soldier kicked into high gear, ready to actually do something befitting his skills. He reached out to clothesline the woman, but she was just a little too far from his arm and just a little too quick to be caught. She whirled about and tried to regain her footing, but she just wasn't quick enough to not get grabbed by the huge man. He practically lifted her off the floor, and she screamed in horror. "Nice, Soldier!" Scout said as he trotted up to the two, finally slowing to a stop before them, "Freaking hell, man, I'm glad we got her!"

"Please don't kill me!" the girl sobbed, grabbing her face in her hands and squealing into them, "I don't want to die!"

Soldier addressed the Bostonian. "What's goin' on, Private?"

Scout nearly forgot to salute Soldier before continuing. "This girl is uhm…" He looked at the girl, who was still sobbing, and turned back to Soldier. "We were playing 'Tag', Sir!"

"Tag!?" Soldier and the female Scout gasped in unison. The man looked at the woman, and she cringed at him. He growled at the male scout, shaking the woman in his hand around. "Tag is a child's game, NANCY. Get your act in gear!" However, instead of doling out righteous beatings, he simply snorted and dropped the young woman and turned to Scout. "Where in the world is the exit to this place?"

The two stared at him as if he were crazy, and the little scout pointed down the hall. "Take a left, and then another left," she said quietly, "It'll be on your right." She looked at the other Scout, who was giving her a wide eyed stare, as if to say "Aren't you forgetting something?" She then caught on and turned back to BLU's Soldier. "I mean, Sir… Ma'am… Sir… Sirsir…"

Soldier moved quickly and saluted her briskly. "Thanks. You aren't bad, fer a FEMALE MAGGOT." The girl screamed in horror when he yelled, and she curled into a ball. It was then the Soldier saluted them both. "Dismissed!" and he was off. The girl didn't move until she was sure he was gone, and she gave a deep sigh.

"Why did you say that?" she asked as the male scout dropped down next to her and removed his hat.

"Say what?" he said with a smirk, running his hand across his short sideburns to wipe the sweat away.

"You know very well what. Don't be rude! Why did you say what you said?"

BLU's Scout shrugged. "I know Soldier. He's freaking batshit insane (pardon the language) and likes to find a reason to kill someone every chance he can. I knew that he'd do something stupid if I told him you were relaying that message to your sniper."

"But why? Why save me? I WAS going to tell Lady Sniper everything." She curled into a ball and hugged her legs tightly. "I'm your enemy…"

"But I caught you, and when Soldier let you go, you didn't run away. You're not even running now." He turned to her and smiled. "You didn't want to tell your leader anything, and you don't even now. So you're not my enemy, not yet, at least." There was silence for a moment, and Scout looked back at the young woman. "If anything, you're my friend, Other Scout."

"If Spy found out…"

"She can't; she's dead." The young woman looked up suddenly, and the man shrugged. "I'm sorry, I know she was your friend…"

"Oh my god…" she muttered, leaping up. She placed her hands over her mouth with wide eyes. "Oh my god…"

Scout cocked his head. "What…? Come on, that's what we do! I'm sorry that I killed her, but I…"

"Oh Scout…~~" The BLU's blood ran cold when he heard an all too familiar voice. He whirled around but he was caught by a female hand that slammed him into a wall. "Oh Scout, I missed you… oh… so… much…~"

"Wha-what the!? B-but… You… you're dead!" Scout shouted as he stared at the now materializing spy. He looked up at the female scout, who was watching the scene with absolute fear.

"I am…" Spy said with a beautiful smile, lifting up her free hand to point at the exact point in her forehead that he hit her, "You shot me… right… here…"

"Other Scout!" BLU's Scout shouted. He attempted to reach out for her help, but one look from the female spy made her retreat a few steps. He squirmed in the ghost's grip and was punched in the face.

"I swear, Scout, if you don't get to our leader right now without any more interruptions, you will meet the exact same fate as this little punta!" She shook the young man and slammed his head against the wall for good measure. RED's Scout opened her mouth, took a step forward, closed her mouth, turned, and ran. BLU's Scout gave a strangled cry, choking on his own blood, as he saw her leave the spy with him. He turned to her fierce, fiery eyes, and tried very hard to think of something to quell her anger.

"Hey toots, listen…"

"What's the matter, 'petit'?" the spy hissed, shuffling up right next to him and dragging his face so close that his bleeding nose nearly touched hers. He coughed on his blood and lack of oxygen, and she smiled devilishly at his wide, fearful eyes. "Now that your friends aren't around, you can't stand up for yourself? Suddenly you want to be one of us? Wanna be like our Pyro?"

"I always liked you, just not when you were killing my friends!"

Scout was punched in the nose again. "Well then you chose wrong, didn't you?" She shook him when he did not answer immediately. "Didn't you!?"

"Spy, please!"

"Please what, 'petit'?" The knife was out faster than he could see. "Please put you out of your misery? I could do that, filthy dreck!"

"Please forgive me for this!" He slammed his fist into her jaw so hard, something cracked. He moved to fight back, but she slammed her knee into his crotch. Scout cursed with a high pitched squeal; before he could even attempt to strike back, Spy backhanded him to the floor. Just as she dropped on top of him to finish her torture, the young man raised his hands in surrender. "S…Spai… P-plea…" he squeaked in a horrible falsetto that he could not control.

Spy glared at him, and suddenly her face softened into a smile of a mother who had just finished chastising her child. She sat up and shook her head. "Oh, Mon Petit…" she said softly as the young man blubbered lightly beneath her. She picked up his hat, wiped it off, and tenderly placed it on his head. She then shoved it so far down his head that he could no longer see, and her voice was laced with poisonous honey. "What am I going to do with you?"

Scout prayed that he would make it out of the whole ordeal alive and intact.

Scout squirmed under Spy, but he couldn't move his arms without her striking at him. He settled for cowering beneath her. He was a little surprised, though; she was moving about on top of him, but she wasn't killing him. Scout knew that, even though she was female, she was still a RED, and RED never ever took prisoners (neither did BLU and that was beside the point). If he was still alive, that meant that for some god awful reason, the spy didn't want to kill him yet, and that was enough to make Scout attempt to find that reason and hopefully escape. He gulped in the total darkness he was in, and tried to speak normally. "Wh…what do you… want with me…?"

The woman under him froze, as if she wasn't expecting that reaction. She let out a small "hmmmm…" and then punched him in the gut for attempting to move. "What did I want from you…?" she murmured to herself as Scout fought against throwing up.

_Holy Mother…_ Did. She wanted something out of him that he couldn't give her anymore, which meant she didn't want it now, which meant he was dead. "I…I…can…"

"You can sit here while I think of an appropriate punishment." Spy grasped his jaw and shoved it upwards so she could inspect him better. Scout prayed that she didn't have her knife out. "An appropriate punishment for a young man who broke a woman's heart and protected a sniper. A SNIPER."

"What…" Scout coughed. "What do you have… against…"

"He was just like you. Young and adorable, and he shot me. He SHOT ME to protect his blasted medic. He traded me for his medic, ME." She shoved harshly against Scout, so hard that the young man was finding it hard to breathe. His heart rate increased, and the pain seemed to be leaving as adrenaline punched through him. As she reached down to choke the young man to death for the misdeeds of another, he reached up to fight back. He clawed at her shoulders and he could hear a hiss from the RED.

Scout was losing consciousness. He cursed at himself for having long legs but short arms. How did this lady get such huge freakishly long arms, anyway? He had to do something, he had to!

Suddenly there was a "click!" from a gun, and Scout stopped when RED's Spy tensed. He coughed and barely allowed himself a breath. "S… is someone… there?"

"Remove your 'ands from our scout, if you would…" Oh god it was Spy! BLU's Spy! He was awake and not dead and he was here! _Oh thank you, God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, and various Saints!_ He could feel blessed air returning to his lungs, and never did it taste more delicious than then. He moved to raise his hat up so he could see, and he saw the woman looming over him. BLU's Spy snapped his fingers, and the woman took that as a signal to drop whatever weapons she had and stand. Once he felt her leave his stomach, he slid out from beneath her and nursed his wounded neck.

"C-careful, Spy…" Scout said as he attempted to stand, "That there rat's a ghost."

Spy didn't even turn to look at Scout, instead staring at the back of the enemy spy's head. "A ghost, you say…"

"She died and freakin' came back I swear to god!" Scout continued to breathe heavily; something was wrong. However, he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Is that so?" Spy said. He frowned and motioned to Scout with his free hand. "Since you can stand, I need you to head to the- Scout!" Spy leaped forward and grasped the young man before he fell over. The Bostonian was doubling over in pain.

"Holy crap man it hurts SO MUCH," the young man wailed as he clung to the pinstripe suit, "Oh god just KILL ME now!"

"Get up, Scout!" Spy commanded, turning back to the woman. He saw her moving towards her gun and he shot the ground at her feet as a warning.

"FFFF… YOU try standing…" a deep breath, "when you get kicked in the…" another breath, "freaking nuts, alright?"

"You were fine a moment ago! Ma'am, I would 'ighly suggest you reconsider your actions before I kill you a second time."

"The hell am I supposed… (oh god the pain) to have kids now!?" Scout bit down on his bandaged arm to keep the pain suppressed, but freaking hell NOTHING WORKED.

"We can consider this another time! Scout, stop being…" Spy stopped when he heard something wet splatter on the floor. His eyes widened and he looked down at the vomit that had come from the young man's mouth. It was all over his shoes and his pants legs! "Putain de merde! Scout!"

The wail was horrendous in the male European's ear. "I want to… (please god) to die!"

"I can ARRANGE THAT." The two began struggling as Spy attempted to throw the young man off and Scout continued to struggle to hold onto him. The two fought for a while, until Spy suddenly whipped up the Ambassador and pointed it directly at the woman's head, stopping her in her tracks. She had collected her butterfly knife while the other two had been fighting, and she still held it in her hand as she stood still. "Woman, you will drop that."

"Will I?" she asked. She turned quickly to catch a glimpse of the cross-eyed and upchucking scout, and then turned back to the other spy. "I cannot die, remember?"

"If you were unaffected by this gun, you wouldn't 'ave frozen there. Drop the weapon or I will kill you."

"Hey…" Scout muttered in delusion, staring with crossed eyes at the gun, "is that my mum on that gun?"

"First of all, Scout, shut. up. Second, if you can stand, I need you to find Medic. 'E's not at the base."

"Well then where is he?" Scout asked. Spy motioned to the woman, and Scout didn't get it. The BLU European shoved on the young man, and he found a wall to lean against.

"Get to Medic. You've got a brain; you find 'im."

"Thanks for the help, not." Scout then groaned, spat out the last of the vomit that was still in his mouth, and shuffled from the hallway towards where he hoped he'd find Medic and debating whether or not he should call for the German in enemy territory. He left the two spies to stare each other down, and silence permeated between them.

It took a few moments before RED's Spy first broke that silence. "So, what do we do now?"

BLU's Spy blew a plume of smoke into the air. "I'm not entirely sure. What were you thinking of?"

The woman's eyes danced and a devilish smile curled up on her lips. "Not killing you, that's for sure."

"Come now…" The man placed his cigarette back in his mouth and matched her feral smirk. "Are you simply that depraved?"

The woman abandoned her knife and grappled the other in a deep kiss, one that the man in blue was all too happy to return. The Ambassador twirled uselessly on his finger as they dragged each other so close that they looked like a strange, red and blue blob. BLU's Spy took that as a "yes".

The hallway was completely quiet except for the sucking of lips, and it took practically five minutes before they pulled apart. The two had already found the floor and were creating as much friction as possible. Already he began removing his tie, and he went for his jacket. "Are you going to remove your own clothing or do I need to do everything for you?"

The woman grasped at her own tie and wrenched harshly at it. "You are such an asshole."

"And you love it," the man replied as he flicked his cigarette away and took his partner's tie.

"You see right through me~" she said quickly as she unbuttoned her coat and shirt, "this isn't coming off fast enough, merde, hurry…!"

"Are you always this impatient? Let me 'elp."

The woman smirked at him and let him help her remove the articles of clothing. It was so nice to just let someone do it for her! "Ohh, such a gentleman~" she giggled aloud.

Spy worked frantically to fold her undershirt up and toss it the pile of other clothes. "But of course…" He then lifted his finger and nodded. "By the by, I was wondering…"

She was working on her bra by this point, and she stopped for only a moment so she could look back up at him. "Mmm? Oh, Mon Petit, what could you want to know now…?"

The man smiled sinisterly and lifted a golden pocket watch that he had stolen from her inner breast pocket. The woman gasped with wide eyes as he drew his butterfly knife upwards towards her neck. "I'll wager this is yours, isn't it?"

The woman didn't even get a chance to reply before he sliced her throat open and watched as her blood sprayed all over his undershirt. He cursed silently at how much there was; it was even dripping onto his pants. "Bah, you got blood all over my suit," he muttered in passing. What a foolish, amateur spy! He grumbled and stood up, trying to wipe the red off of his balaclava. He then replaced his blue overcoat and tie, wiped off his butterfly knife, and fished out a new cigarette.

After lighting the stick, he pocketed the new watch, and activated his own. He disappeared and left the dead spy bleeding unceremoniously on the floor.

---

Awwwwwriiiiight.

It wasn't really mature I don't think, right? OH WELLS. Anyway, lol at Catholic Scout. Most of Boston during that time was Catholic so whatevs. They were also very much hugely Irish, so I guess there was a bunch of Protestantism too.

OH WELL I hope you enjoyed it.

Also apparently I say OH WELL a lot. OH WELL.


	11. Chapter 11

I finished something WOOO. It's funny because after I finished this chapter I punched through the next chapter because I really wanted to do it. Now I feel sad that I have to wait next week to upload it.

Either way, I hope you enjoy this for now!

READ ON!

---

"Spy zaid vee vould meet zomeone down here…" Medic said lightly, "Do any ov you know vere he vent avter zat?"

"Said 'e 'ad business ta take care of," Engineer replied, "Good riddance ta 'im, ah say."

"But I vonder…"

"Mmph mmphmphph mmmmph."

Medic sighed, "I zuppoze you're right, zere iz no senze in vorraying."

Pyro suddenly stopped, and the other two nearly ran into him/her. Medic crouched down low and Engineer prepared his shotgun. "Mmphphph?"

Medic took only a moment to register what Pyro had said. "I am not charged. Vat iz zere?"

Pyro turned to Medic to tell him what might be out there, but s/he was interrupted when something Red came around the corner. The German let out a strangled cry and BLU's Pyro whirled around, flamethrower at the ready. The two blinked when the RED Pyro immediately lifted his hands in surrender. All he really was missing was a little white flag to wave about.

"Va-?" The medic had no idea what to do. Tell them to charge? S/he WAS the enemy, that's just what they did. But… perhaps… Medic glared at the other Pyro. "You have sirteen seconds before vee rend you apart, schweinhund!"

The pyro lifted his/her hand, and proceeded to remove the mask. Everyone cringed and waited for the woman to appear.

The three gaped when they saw that a woman didn't appear. RED's Pyro was male. How could a regiment of all women recruit a MAN for their pyro? "¡Hola, Amigos!"

"Vat is ZIS!?" Medic screeched.

The pyro seemed surprised at his outburst, and tucked his helmet under his arm. "¿Que te pasa, Doctor?"

"Yer a MAN!" Engineer shouted, pointing at the pyro. "A MALE. Not a woman!"

"¿Si?"

"Zat… doezn't make any sense!" Suddenly, realization dawned on Medic and Engineer, and they turned to each other. If this guy was from an all female regiment, then… They turned ever so slowly to their own BLU Pyro, who suddenly felt as if someone had trotted over his/her grave. S/he turned around and stared at the two as if to ask _What!?_

"Va-Vatever. It dozen't matter. Give us vahn good reason vhy vee should not tear you apart."

"Oh, right." The pyro nodded lightly and began to think for a moment. "Yes, well, I'm not really harmful to you at all, really. I don't plan on killing any of you…"

"Vahn doez not need a 'plan' to do zinks…"

"Oh yeah, and I saved your Spy when he was chased down here."

There were immediate mixed reactions. Medic looked relieved of this person's friendliness, as he had saved the German's friend, but Engineer frowned at the thought that this guy saved a sapper of sentries. Of course, BLU's Spy never sapped HIS sentries, but he sure threatened it, which was just as bad!

"If… you helped our Zpy… zo zat vas vhy he vanted uz down here…"

"Shoulda known some RED'LL be goin' 'round savin' worthless piles 'o horse manure!" Engineer scoffed.

"Vell? You vill not attack uz if vee build down here?"

The male pyro shrugged. "By this point, I could care less about anything. I really should have left a long time ago."

Engineer made a grumble about "Why doncha?" as he shoved past the pyro, purposefully shoving him against a wall, and setting down to build a dispenser.

"Is there something wrong with him?" RED's Pyro asked. Both BLU's Pyro and Medic shrugged, but the two got him standing again. The man in red brushed himself off lightly and reapplied his helmet. He then gave the two a thumbs up and a "Mmph!"

"You're velcome," Medic said, which was akin to BLU Pyro's "Mmphmmph."

There was silence for a moment as the three moved to watch Engineer work. He muttered to them about doing something to "make themselves useful", so BLU's pyro stood to help him. He wouldn't let RED's Pyro near his stuff, however, so the pyro in red and the doctor in blue soon found themselves sitting next to each other and attempting to start some awkward conversation every now and then.

"So… uhm… vhy are you down here?"

"Mmphphmmph."

"I zee. And you do nozink about it?"

The pyro gave him a look.

"Right. Vell zen, iz zere a reazon you are helpink us? You are… not BLU…"

Pyro looked thoughtful, and he shrugged, looking at the floor. "Mmphphmmph mmphmph phphmm."

Medic blinked incredulously. "Vat?"

Pyro sighed and repeated what he said. "Mmphphmmph mmphmph phphmm."

"Don't lissen ta 'im! 'e's a RED!"

Medic ignored the engineer and scratched his stubble in thought. "Zo… you vill be ztayink down here then?" The pyro shrugged. "Vell… vhat to do vit you; vee can't jast leave you here…"

BLU's Pyro looked at the two silently, and then suddenly spoke up in his/her jumbled language. "…Mmphphph Mmmmmmph…?"

S/he nearly dropped his/her work when Engineer did a double take and yelled at him/her. "What in TARNATION you talkin' 'bout, Pyro!?"

"Mmph?"

Medic blinked, turned to look at the pyro in red, and he looked back up at the Texan. "Vat iz zee problem? He iz a man."

Engineer turned to the doctor with a look of disgust. "He's a RED."

"Vell, zat izn't zee point."

BLU's Pyro placed his/her work on the floor and went to stand next to Medic. The Texan flailed mightily. Apparently, he wasn't absolutely sure these were the real Medic and Pyro he left with a moment ago. "What kinda nutjob thinks it's okay fer a RED ta run with a BLU?"

"Zee vhan zat seez he iz not really vhan of zem."

"Mmphph." BLU's Pyro said simply, arms crossed.

"Ya… yall're nuts!" The engineer grumbled righteously as he hunkered down in his new, tiny base. "Ya'll do whatever ya want. When that darned fool kills ya'll, I'll be down here laughin'."

Medic frowned and scratched his stubble. "Vell, vee shall zee, ja?" The BLU Pyro extended his/her gloved hand, and the German accepted it. He was soon hefted to his feet, and the two looked down at RED's Pyro. He looked up at them, and they stared at each other for a while. Finally, the RED sighed and pulled himself up. It appeared that while they trusted him not to kill them immediately, they still weren't really partnering up.

"Mmph?" the pyro in red asked.

The other two nodded. "Mmph!"

The entire group jumped when everyone heard the sudden ringing that reverberated through the sewers. Everyone looked up as if it came from the ceiling, and RED's Pyro froze where he stood. No… it couldn't be… "Mm, Fffffffffff…"

---

Dundundun?

Hope you guys liked it! I thank my suitemate for helping with the Spanish here. Hahaha, she's Peruvian and really helpful.

I also got a French woman on my floor too, and I know a few here who know German, so all I need is Italian and I'm SET. Hahahaha.


	12. Chapter 12

Man this is hitting like 22k words. I don't know if I want it to be more or not. So many words arrrrgggg.

Oh well, best not to think about it, and just go until it's finished, right?

Right!

READ ON!

---

BLU's Spy wondered how he could continue tracking that little RED Scout. She didn't seem as fast as the BLU Scout, which only made it easier for him to track her down. He couldn't catch her though, which was why when he heard a sudden ringing reverberate through the base, a chill went down his spine. He was almost certain that she had found and relayed her message to RED's Sniper. This was just _perfect_.

He slipped into the room that the female scout had rushed into before, and was surprised to see that she was already gone, as her leader, BLU's Sniper, was still in there, speaking into a headset similar to the young woman's. It appeared that she was conversing with their leader, and RED's Spy backed into a corner as she spoke into the microphone. The European blinked when he felt something tug at the tails of his coat. He shifted slightly to free his tails, but they weren't stuck anymore. He shook his head and went back to listening to the woman.

"They figgured it out quicker 'n others. Thissis gettin' bloody dangerous. I'm afraid fer Spy," the woman said. BLU's Spy smirked despite himself. At least she wouldn't have to worry anymore… "I tolja, this ain't a normal legion! You bettah be ready ta pay us double." Spy blinked when he heard something. It sounded like… tapping? She was tapping against the wall. Was that Morse Code? He struggled to translate it quickly as Sniper continued to tap against the wall and speak at the same time. "Yeah… yeah, got it…"

"_Be ready…" Ready for what? "When I say…"_

"I gotta go. We gotta rat 'ere." BLU's Spy gave a sharp intake of air when something invisible grasped the back of his coat and pulled backwards. He stood very still when he felt the steel blade of a knife against his throat. _Merde!_ But he had the watch! What was going on!? How could the Spy he killed still be…

He froze when he heard the voice of the appearing Spy. "P-p-please don't move…" It was the same voice as… and he saw that the hand holding the knife wasn't gloved, but wrapped. It was- she was the Scout! The Scout was a Spy!!

"Nice work, Spy," Sniper said with a feral grin as she loaded up her rifle.

"Well, this is unprecedented…" BLU's Spy said lightly, looking rather emotionless.

The Scout, or, in actuality, the Spy, grabbed him closer and whispered under her breath: "I-I'm real sorry, but our Scout died a while back, and we really couldn't replace her quickly, so we got another Spy…" The young woman really sounded apologetic. "I… I guess I fit the part of a Scout, huh?"

Almost too well. Spy berated himself for not noticing it sooner. He had never actually encountered a spy who disguised as his (or her, in this case) own teammate, so… but how could a spy be able to play the part this well? This little girl must be ruthless, but… but she wasn't…

…He could feel her hands tremble as she held him still.

"W-what do we do with him, Ma'am?" the young woman asked, trying not to let her trembling voice be to apparent.

"What else?" Sniper lifted her rifle, and Spy looked at the red pinprick that was focusing on his forehead. "We kill the bloody wankah, and then we do it ta the rest o' the lil' rats."

She trembled again, and Spy realized that it was now or never. "My apologies," he said quietly. He twisted slightly and wrapped his gloved hand around her breast.

He squeezed harshly.

There was a scream from the ersatz Scout, and she immediately thrust the European away with a horrendous sob. Spy caught himself immediately and used the force to rush the leader, flipping the butterfly knife out as he did. He couldn't reach her in time though, so he dug into his coat and prayed that the pocket watch that he looted previously would work.

The shot rang out, and the young spy gasped loudly as the spy in blue flew ten feet and slammed into the wall, his entire head blown apart. She covered her face and looked away, and Sniper flicked the spent round from her rifle. "Wanna know summin funny? Yer dead."

The leader raised her eyebrow as a sudden thought pervaded her mind. She whipped something out and whirled around. "No you don't!" she screeched, throwing the jar filled with something yellow behind her. It slammed into something invisible, and the yellow liquid dripped all over the now extremely noticeable Spy.

"Merde! My nose!" he growled, grabbing the practically broken item. He suddenly blinked when he noticed something was amiss. "What in… the…" The European stared at the broken jar as he reappeared, and he didn't even bother snorting up the blood from his nose when he realized just what it was he was covered in. "Oh… Mierdaaaaaa…!"

Spy screamed when he realized what was going on. First Scout's upchuck, then the other spy's blood all over his suit, and now and now and now and now and now and…!!!

The fake scout rushed next to her leader as the European crumpled to the floor and curled into a ball, screaming obscenities and trying in vain to hide himself from the world. "My suit…! My beautiful suit! Dio, why!?"

"Now THIS is entertainment," the Australian laughed as the young woman covered her nose from the smell.

Their enemy writhed on the floor, clutching his face. "This is… this is… I want to DIE."

That was what Sniper wanted to hear, and she happily drew up her rifle. "Yer lucky, Mate," she said wickedly, "I can arrange that."

The fake scout could take it no longer. She grabbed her ears and shut her eyes tight. "Haven't we done enough to him?" the young woman cried, turning to her leader, "He's… Look at him, Sniper!"

"He practically raped ya, just sit back 'n' watch."

"Sniper, please!" The ersatz scout grabbed at her leader, and the rifle went off prematurely over the European's head. "Please!"

The Australian suddenly grabbed her teammate's mouth and shoved her backwards. The girl tripped over her two feet and fell to the floor with a cry. Sniper glowered over her with a frown. "Insubordination huh?" she asked, "I can handle that." The female Spy shook her head to get rid of the dazed feeling, and suddenly she looked up at the red light pointing down her throat. "Say goodbye ta yer 'ead, wankah…"

There was the sound of a shot, and the young woman grabbed her head. Wait. She grabbed her head? She could still move…? She looked up, and her eyes widened at the sight of blood pouring from two orifices in her leader's head. She looked down at the other spy, whose Ambassador was still dripping urine. "No worries, eh Mate?" the European mocked.

The Australian dropped to the floor.

"O-o-other Spy!!" the fake scout scrambled to the builder's side as the European dropped his weapon and spat on the floor repeatedly. She reached out to touch him, but suddenly realized that that was the LAST thing she wanted to do. "You…! Why did you…?"

"Consider this… an apology…" was the curt reply, "now leave me to die, if you would."

"B-b-b-b-but!" She looked around, wondering what to do. A thought suddenly entered her mind, and the mere thought made her close her eyes and shudder. Finally, she knelt back down to speak with him, and she plugged her nose at the smell. "I…if you promise not to touch me in any place bad… I… I can lead you to the showers…"

There was silence for a moment as the BLU spy tried to figure out what she said with her muffled voice, and finally he moved. The young woman held out her hand, but he didn't take it. He dragged himself upward, and although he was standing, he slouched heavily as if there was a great burden on his shoulders. "L… let's just go. That alarm your leader set off, that was the alarm to tell the others to stop the charade?" The young woman nodded. "Right then, so…" He checked his disguise kit, and in a moment, he was disguised as the dead female Sniper. "Let's go then, Mate."

The fake scout stared at the disguised Spy, and turned to look at the corpse. She shuddered but nodded. "I… yeah, let's do that…" She nodded and about faced, running off towards the showers. "Come on, follow me, Other Spy!"

Spy watched her run off, and he sighed. He was still… oh god how was he supposed to run like this…? "Call me whatever you call your Sniper, Spy."

"Oh, right, Lady Sniper. Hurry, we need to join the others soon. I'm worried about Other Scout…"

The man nodded and followed after her.

---

Come on, you actually thought I'd make the female Sniper actually be feminine? HAH.

Hope you liked the little twist with Fem"Scout"~

See you next week if I don't have a ton of work!

EXTRA: I usually don't let people I know in real life read my stuff because, I dunno, but yeah. I let my friend read a bit of it and I was all red through the whole thing.

He liked how FemSniper handled "insubordination".

I guess I did something right? I dunno.


	13. Chapter 13

Funny story: I wasn't even thinking of writing for this for a long while, as I was in a big romance mood and this isn't really romance per se. Anyway, I was all like "Oh man I need some good romance", and then I remembered that the fandom I was writing for during this hiatus has some of the stupidest and crappiest romance EVER. You know, just like TF2 (oh snap yes I went there). So anyway I was really hoping one of the fics I could find would be halfway decent but I guess I'm a masochist and love pain. So when I finally decided enough is enough, I started writing this and finished the chapter in one sitting. I'd be lying if I said that the women getting owned in this chapter is not at all me venting my frustrations on stupid fangirls, but I'm trying to keep a good image, so let's just pretend that that's not the case, okay?

READ ON!

---

Speaking of "Other Scout", BLU's Scout was running (or at least attempting to run) through the base. He remembered that Spy said that Medic wasn't at the base. But which base did he mean!? God this was annoying, and he hoped that Spy hadn't gotten himself killed, but he sorta hoped something bad happened to him. It was only fair, after all!

The young man stopped when he heard voices behind a closed door he was passing by. One of them was BLU's Heavy Weapons Guy, and the Bostonian gasp when he made out the voice of the female RED Medic! Oh crap oh crap oh crap!

If the female Medic was going to do anything, it'd probably be slaughtering their Heavy with some drug overdose. He couldn't worry about his privates at a time like this!

Hey wait, if she didn't know that she needed to kill them all yet, he could get her to heal him before killing her. Perfect! The young man sidled up to the door and knocked rather harshly. "Yo, I'm dyin' over here!"

"Vat iz zat…?" The door opened and the tiny Medic looked up at Scout. Damn, and he thought their Medic was pretty small! This little girl barely reached his chest. But it wasn't like she was a GIRL… she was just… she was about as small as one, especially when compared to Heavy, who was sitting in her ward just a little ways away. "Vat…"

"Look, lady, can I get a heal here? That's what you do, right?"

"I…" Scout busted in and the little woman glared at him for his unrefined antics. "I do not heal frauleinz, bah!"

Heavy looked up at Scout as he barged in. What could the child want…? "Is Little Scout hurt?"

"Freakin' hell man!" Scout turned to Heavy and practically forgot there was a woman in the room. "Totally got my balls slammed into. Sheez, it still hurts! I need summin' to at least relieve the pain!"

Heavy laughed aloud. "Little Scout is so funny!"

"Imma slam my cleats inta YOUR junk, then we see what's funny!"

"Men…!" The two suddenly realized what sort of company they were in, and they looked at RED's Medic, who was frowning at them with crossed arms. This seemed to be even funnier, and Heavy was soon laughing uproariously.

"Is okay, Little Medic! Little Scout needs heals!"

"Vat if I don't vant to heal ze fraulein?"

"Come on, please? You gotta help me out!"

The woman glared at him, scoffed, and went to collect her medigun. It took only a few seconds of precious healing and Scout was leaping about like a wild monkey. "ALRIGHT that's what I'm freakin' TALKIN' 'BOUT let's DO THIS."

RED's Medic actually smiled a bit as she stood next to Heavy. "He iz very…"

Heavy shrugged. "Fast?"

"…Exuberant…" Medic replied in a tone that meant she really didn't mean that word. The two watched as Scout leapt around like a child, as if they were watching a show. Despite herself, the little medic smiled and giggled under her breath. The hulking heavy looked down at her, and he smiled himself.

It was then that there was an alarm that sounded. It sounded as if the REDs were being attacked, from the way it screamed. Heavy looked up with wide eyes. "What does that mean…?" he asked as Medic started fishing nonchalantly around in her coat.

"It meanz zee charade iz over," she said matter-of-factly, pulling a syringe from her coat and lifting it up. Scout whirled around with a pained scream as she jammed the syringe into the huge man's arm and pumped it for all it was worth. Heavy let out a bellow and Scout mentally killed himself multiple times for not doing anything to warn him beforehand. "No hard feelinkz, it iz jast buzinezz, ja?"

"You," Heavy rumbled, taking the syringe from his arm and glowering heavily at the tiny girl. "LITTLE MEDIC. What did you… …?" Scout shouted out loud as Heavy swayed to the side and suddenly crashed to the floor.

"Heavy! HEAVY!" Scout screamed, rushing towards the Russian's side. He stopped suddenly when RED's Medic pulled out her saw and swiped at the child. The Bostonian barely dodged in time. "You little German piece of crap! You killed him! You KILLED him!"

"Jast buzinezz. Now ztand ztill zo I can zaw you in two." Her smile was huge and her glasses flashed dangerously. "Zee organz of a Zcout are zo delightfully sweet…"

Holy crap she was a freakin' cannibal! No wonder she was so attached to Heavy, he was HUGE. That certainly was a lot of… Scout shook his head; the mental images were too horrible to even imagine. "You… I'll kill you, you sick freak!"

Her grin was gigantic. "Try it, fraulein…"

Scout charged the enemy medic, bat in hand. There was one thing he didn't take into account, however; she may not be as fast as him, but she was tinier. She ducked and easily passed under the strike that would have winded any other enemy, and she jabbed maliciously at his legs. He jumped into the air and put distance between them. Pulling his scattergun out, he cocked it and decided to end the battle as quickly as possible.

The female medic jumped aside, finding cover behind Heavy's corpse. Even in death, he made a great meat shield for Medics. The very idea was sickening. By the time Scout was able to leap over the body and get a good shot at the woman, she had already loaded up her syringe gun and pointed upwards. Scout fired, but had to spend most of his time in air blocking the syringes that flew at him. Thank goodness she didn't have time to load the syringes with whatever crap she killed Heavy with! He slammed to the floor and rolled behind an examination table so he could properly pull one or two of the syringes out of his flesh. Judging by the woman's German curses, he at least clipped her; Scout would be sure to finish the job.

Rolling out from behind the cover, he found himself staring into the eyes of the little medic, who assaulted with her saw. Scout barely dodged in time, but he felt the biting pain of the weapon hitting his shoulder. He grasped at his wound and glared at her. She lifted the saw, picked the small pieces of his flesh from the teeth, and placed them tenderly past her lips. "Ohhh, I can't vait to finish zee appetizer and go for zee main courze…"

This was getting creepier by the second; he had to finish this now before she killed them both! He wanted to see the other scout again and take her away from this place and let her live life as a normal woman. No one that beautiful deserved to be here, killing and being killed. He wanted to… he wanted to…

Medic rushed him, and Scout lifted his scattergun. He felt the saw rake his side and slide in, cutting up to and through bone. He fired; the force of the shotgun sent her flying back. She grasped her stomach and lifted her hand to stare at the blood coating it. She brought the hand to her mouth and she licked her palm. "Ahhhh… jast as I zought… I'm tastier zen any man…" She dropped to the floor, unmoving.

Scout stared, wide eyed. Was it… was it over…? He tried to stand, but she had cut far too deep. He slumped over and rested his forehead against the floor. "D…doc… I… I'm dyin' here…" he said quietly, clutching his side as he bled out. "Doc… Doc… cummon, man, I need… hel-"

---

BLU's Medic suddenly looked up. BLU's Engineer turned to him. "What's up, Doc?"

"Zere vas…" Medic frowned. "I zought I heard zomezink…"

"Someone callin' fer a medic?" Engineer turned to where Medic was looking. If the bases were identical, then he'd be looking towards the medical ward right now. "What're we gunna do, just go lookin' fer 'im? We gotta find that rat RED Engineer!"

Medic turned to Engineer and snorted. "Vell zen, you can go by yourzelf. I am not lettink a comrade die. Pyros!"

Both RED and BLU's Pyro looked up. "Mmph?" they questioned in unison.

"Vee are goink ziz vay. Now!" He motioned for them to follow and he turned around. He stopped when he rounded the corner and came face to face with a very huge, very heavy woman. RED's Heavy Weapons Girl looked down at the wide eyed German and laughed out loud.

"Little German Doktor, walking through base like he owns it!" the female Heavy guffawed, "What did Heavy do to last man who did that?"

Medic shook his head and straightened up, trying his best to look intimidating. "Vat did you do, Fraulein?"

The German's voice caught in his throat when Heavy lifted the head of their BLU Soldier, gruesomely wrenched from his body. "His neck snapped like TWIG. He did not scream though." Medic took a step back as Heavy advanced, dropping the head and cracking her knuckles. "It will be fun sport to see how loud you do!"

"Mmph!" Suddenly Medic saw both of the Pyros rush up from behind him. Heavy took a step back as they brandished their flamethrowers, making sure that their enemy knew that she'd have to go through them to get to the "good doctor". Heavy looked down at the three, and suddenly she burst into laughter.

"Heavy's Pyro is fighting Heavy? WONDERFUL!" The Russian switched from her fists to her beloved Sasha and prepared to rend them apart. "Time to kill Baby Man. Heavy wanted to do it a LONG time ago!"

The Pyros took a step back in hesitation as Heavy revved up her Sasha, and they instinctively looked for some sort of cover to hide behind. Seeing as how they were in a hallway, the only cover they could find was each other. RED's Pyro turned lightly to his counterpart, and motioned towards BLU's Medic. S/he nodded in response, and they prepared to charge as the bullets prepared to fly. They knew that Medic couldn't keep both of them up, but if they worked together, they had a chance of burning her before she had a chance to kill the both of them. BLU's Pyro just wondered just why RED's Pyro was working with them to the very end; it was obvious that given the two, his/her Medic would keep him/her alive. Why was this enemy Pyro still charging with such reckless abandon? It couldn't be that he wanted revenge for all of the misgivings they had given him before, could it…? That he would fight the women even to his death…?

It was then that BLU's Pyro heard a sound that made him/her realize just why RED's Pyro was prepared. His/her Medic smiled as he released his uber and worked like the professional s/he knew he was: he switched the charge between the both of them, keeping the invincibility up on both of them as they advanced upon RED's Heavy. She immediately realized just what was going on, but all too late. She stopped her assault, but she barely turned before both the blue and red pyromaniacs bore down on her. The flashing German finally pulled back after the precious few seconds of his ubercharge were over, and he plugged his nose. The smell of burnt flesh was bad enough without the horrible stench of fat to make it even worse. Both RED and BLU's Pyros turned to each other and did an air high five, each giving the other a thumbs up.

"Vell, it lookz like you two are gettink along…" Medic said nasally, still plugging his nose. The Pyros turned to the disgusted look of Medic, and they looked back at each other, giving a small snigger through their respective gas masks. "But I need to get to zee medical vard. Pyro." Both of them looked up at him, and he frowned even deeper than before. "MY Pyro. I vant you to accompany Engineer. Find zis RED Engineer and get zee blueprintz, and for gott's zake, do NOT burn zem. Red, you're vit me."

Both Pyros saluted the German, and they locked arms, did a small diabolical dance, and separated to their own jobs. RED's Pyro then looked at Medic and shrugged. "Mmphph?"

Medic smiled back and stepped lightly over the smoldering corpse of their previous enemy. "Engineer vould not object to being vit our Pyro, and I vill kill you if you dezide to attack me. Zo let's get goink, ja?"

RED's Pyro stared after Medic as he walked on ahead, and he smiled from behind his mask. "Mmph mphph mmphphmm?" he asked as he rushed to catch up with the German. _Awfully sure of yourself, aren't you?_

Medic shrugged, a smile on his face. "I haven't died yet, ja?"

Pyro laughed.

---

Awww yeah finally finished. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Bawww everyone's dying; who'll be next?

Everyone.

I really had fun writing the two Pyros dancing and being awesome. I just imagine them like those little devils that do little dances in those old Saturday Morning Cartoons. Also, I wanted to go a little more into RED Medic's past, you know, how she got to be that awesome I mean sick, but decided against it, since most if not all of the other females have very little about them, so why should she be special? Because I love Medics? PSH.

SO YES. I'm back, but don't get used to it. I'm still writing for Ouendan and Elite Beat Agents (Hell yeah EBA). If you want more of my stuff, you ARE allowed to read my EBA story as it is written for people who haven't played the game. But of course, most likely you won't. Oh well.

I wanted to say something else here, but I kinda forgot it. Review if you care.


End file.
